Hello Suze..

I’m sorry to hear the situation you are in. In my humble opinion you need to start thinking more for yourself. You need to get the balanced mind by doing what you love most. You said that your boyfriend is emotionally supportive to you, be grateful for that. Talk to him about this and let him know that this support is very important for you. On the other hand, work on yourself. Sit still and clear up your mind. Get used to this, it will help you.
One of the best advices I can give is this: Detach yourself from everything around you, find your inner peace. I know its easier said and done, but I know you can do it.
All the best…