Hi Jean,

Wow, I’m sorry you had to go through all that. Some of my friends and even my therapist have told me the same same, to just be glad I didn’t end up marrying her or having a child with her, because it would have made everything a lot harder. I saw her true colors before those things happened and I need to see that as a positive. It makes sense, because the struggles of a relationship can only get worse in a marriage if both people are not 100% committed to trying to make things better. I’m trying to see this as a learning experience and not as a waste of time, but it’s not easy. I think she had known for a while that our relationship wasn’t going anywhere and she just kept it going until she was sure she could go on to this next guy. Hopefully time will help me feel less anger and resentment towards her.

Hi anita,

Thank you for reading my post, I realize it was very long. And thank you for your sympathy. Like I said, I am seeing a counselor because of this situation. He says the same thing you have said… she played me until something “better” came along, and she seems to enjoy the chase more than a meaningful relationship. She is also the type of woman that believes all guys want her because, well, she is pretty attractive, so she plays the naive/victim card when a guy she has met or one of her friends ends up liking her. In reality, she probably just flirts but doesn’t accept it. There’s a difference between being nice and being flirtatious.

I struggle the most with feeling betrayed, on top of feeling used and taken advantage of. She knew what she was going to do. And she still decided to go and meet my parents thousands of miles away, when in her mind, she already knew she was going to drift away as soon as she left. I can’t believe she was able to do that, I wouldn’t have the nerve to do such a thing. And then being intimate with me again only to tell me she was basically seeing this guy she always denied feeling anything for was the icing on the cake. It just seems so heartless, and every time I replay that moment in my mind, I feel physically ill and I feel pain in my chest. It’s also really upsetting that she used the death of her fiance as an excuse all this time, when in reality I think she’s fine… if you can sleep with someone while thinking of the next person you have lined up, while you have over a dozen pictures of a dead loved one in the same room, I just don’t see how you’re in grief.

Additionally, after 2 years of feeling “unworthy”, second best, and unattractive, my self-esteem has taken a huge hit. Since she never initiated kissing, hugging, or sex, I am now left feeling like I’m physically and emotionally unattractive, even though I consider myself a normal person and I work out 5 times a week. I’m just being honest here, I realize I should not have stayed in this quasi relationship for so long, putting so much in and receiving so little in return, but what’s done is done. I just want to start feeling better, and I want to start moving on but I don’t know how.