Jade,

You hit the bull’s eye. I’m glad that I’m not alone in feeling this way. I have gotten fairly used to it as well… However, there are just some days where I am more easily upset than others.

Despite being bothered, I think that for me, it is important to maintain calmness for my own sake. I don’t want to do something now that I’ll regret someday, and I normally regret pretty hard about acting out of anger…

I have a couple of questions for you… How often would you say you see your partner? Do you generally need to take a break, and how do you feel about taking breaks? And by “take a break” I don’t mean a “break-up-for-a-while” break. Rather, I mean get some alone time in. I ask, because I’m wondering if I’m frustrated due to spending too much time together.

Thanks for your response,
Nick

Matt,

Thanks for sharing. I agree with you– I may need to be more assertive in order to maintain my boundaries for the sake of our relationship. In the past, I’ve thought hard about how I can be assertive, but I am a little torn between two things. Firstly, he does not normally stop if I try to explain my boundaries with him. He comes up with all sorts of reasons why hitting “playfully” and teasing is totally acceptable. Even if I get him to stop peacefully, he continues the following day. Thus, I feel as if I need to raise my voice at some point to get the message across, which I strongly dislike doing. Secondly, I am a person who is easily annoyed by these things at times (for example, if I’m tired after a long day’s work). So I feel as if I will inevitably become aggressive. Do you have any suggestions or examples that illustrate how to be assertive without letting yourself get out of hand, even after you’ve spoken with someone multiple times about the issue in the past?

Thanks for your time,
Nick