Inky – Thanks for your honesty. I in no way think I could have her back in the snap of my fingers. If anything, it would be a work in progress to build trust again and a foundation with more openness. I wouldn’t call her crazy either. I’m very aware of the denial of coffee and I kind of expect it. I’m a very optimistic person but in this case, I think that it’s a very real reality. The situation is difficult to explain without further context.

Anita – I’m sorry to hear about your relationship with your mother. It’s a difficult situation to be in when you really care about the other person. I think you’re right about the damaging effects although, in my case, I don’t feel like I’m damaged (at least not anything I’m aware of). Despite this, I still take a lot of the blame on the demise of our relationship and wonder if I had been stronger, could we have worked through our issues? Who knows. I do think that the rare explosion of anger would still bother me quite a bit but am I being to picky or is it fair to say that it became toxic for me and leaving was the only way?

Xenia – I did. I mentioned that it made me extremely uncomfortable. Often times she would be able to hold it in and it would blow over but it was so obvious that a volcanic eruption was brewing. I knew this was her way of dealing with things and had asked that she at least give me warning but it seemed to be something that would be overwhelming for her in the sense that she was intensely attempting control her emotions and with that, it was only a matter of time before things boiled over.

I go back and forth on my memories of her. Sometimes I remember the good times we had and while I’m aware that I may be filtering, I do try to counter with the uncomfortable memories as well. It doesn’t make me think less of her but I try to keep it balanced in an attempt to remain sane on this breakup.

They say time heals all wounds and at this point, 5 months definitely isn’t enough for me.