Hi Cloud,

Jeez, well, I did imagine I would get a response like that at some point…

“Women are approached by men all the time, and we have no idea who is going to turn violent or obsessive.” Yep, that victimization of women is all over the place now. That sort of idea that most men are dangerous (if not rapist or something weird like that), and that women are fragile defenseless little things is what the internet feminism is all about.

“You are effectively accusing her of breaching a contract that *she never signed*. Women are people, with our own desires. We don’t owe you sex or a relationship simply because we had a conversation with you and you managed to fake being nice. I say fake because you clearly have an objective here. You want to close the deal rather than respecting her as a person.”

I hear that all the time. The “women don’t owe you sex/a relationship because you’re nice, now you complain you’re in the friendzone when you did nothing” “you’re not really nice, you’re faking it to get into her pants” or something like that. That crap is all over the internet too.

“You are effectively accusing her of breaching a contract that *she never signed*”. I’m not accusing her of anything really. Don’t know how you get to that conclusion. If I ever sound accusing at all it is all because she kept leading me on (or well, so I believed). Yes she doesn’t owe me anything, I obviously know that, I was just trying to figure out what is going on her supposedly “undecisive” mind. I didn’t fake being nice, and I feel personally insulted by that especially. I didn’t just “play” nice to get her, I’m nice to most of the people most of the time, I was just “extra-nice” with her to approach and get some type of intimacy, and I did have an objective but it was not a concealed one, I told her soon enough that I wanted to try a relationship with her. I guess in your mind “being nice” and “looking for a relationship” are opposites but I just can’t understand why. “You want to close the deal rather than respecting her as a person.” Another statement which I don’t know where the hell it comes from. Quite insulting too. Not sure why you say I’m disrespecting her. If anything, I gave ever tons of time and space to figure things out, I also did my fair share of attempts to get to know her better and understand her. And “close the deal”? for Christ’s sake, that especifically sounds that I just wanted sex. Get in, get out, get away? That’s not my style, sweetie.

I apologize in advance for what I’m about to say: I would like if you don’t escalate things further. I don’t want to get myself wrapped in a heated argument of this tumblr feminism.

AAAAAANYWAY, this a somewhat old post by now. As an update, I ran into her one day, I talked to the girl to get things straight. Again, no more games, and this time definitely. She said No. And then that was it for me (That was a couple of weeks ago). I haven’t talked to her since. End of the story.

Hi, Michelle,

I actually have heard the “women are afraid of violence by the men they reject” argument lots of times, especially around the Internet. Personally, I actually haven’t heard of a single case, although that’s a confirmation bias. I sincerely don’t understand that victim mentality… but, oh well, I don’t want to debate that now.

I’m not sure why are you freaked out. It’s not like I stalked her or something. I just asked her out sometimes, and I would have taken the hint easier if she wouldn’t be CONSTANTLY apologizing to me for it (I remember I once called a girl to ask her out. She said “I’m busy”, and I was like “Ehm, I even haven’t said the day” and she was like “Doesn’t matter, I’m busy”. Now THAT IS how you do it in my book haha. Never called her again.)

Also, I’m not a ‘stranger’ either. We have tons of common friends; she’s attending the same college I went to, where some people knows me; and the gym instructor knows who I am and knows my whole family, and she knows that, for Christ sake.

Thank you so much. The last part you wrote helps put things in much better perspective.

Although I find that I’m especially saddened by this ‘loss’ for the reason I wrote, about not having a relationship ever, and the fact that I see that there’s hardly anyone I can trust to talk about it. I only have a handful of friends and they are busy with they’re own lifes or tired of me talking about my depression. Same with my parents.

So, thank you SO SO much for replying.

Sorry, I forgot to say:

Thanks to anybody who reads this really long post and I would appreciate a lot if you reply to it.