That is amazing, yes I do agree with you. It’s funny my new york guy was part jewish as well, and lately all I see is jewish people around me. Your question about apartment made me scared a bit in my stomach a bit to be honest. Well all I am doing is applying for jobs, and have to step it up next week and try harder to find something fast. I don’t know why usually I panic but this time i just feel like things come together on time, and they usually do to be honest, I was just remembering every time I panicked, at the end things came together. My Birthday is the 19th actually. Yes I agree and I am not questioning the signs, I just didn’t know what to do about them, because seems like I can’t do much more but I realized i just have to be present for them and when the time is right I will know what to do I guess. I will get directed to it I believe.
Thanks again!
Danubelle

Thank you so much for explaining,
I think I am starting to understand your point, your story made me cry to be honest… I know that there is something here I have to see that I can’t see, or maybe i just have to wait, I am not sure, but as you said, I do feel like I have to do something here which I don’t know what it is yet, and trying too hard is making me go blind as you said. I think maybe I am starting to get mentally depressed because of it and this is dangerous territory. because my natural self usually is a go getter, I can not sit and watch, I am a doer, I go after what i want as I have done before, and no matter what happens I try to get it. I am a hard headed capricorn that if I need to learn something to be able to get something, I read every single book in that direction, if I need to master something, I take a class, etc. So this is the first time in my life I just feel like I really can’t, something is holding me back from being a go getter like I was before, not sure if I have lost my trust in myself, or I just feel it’s the right thing to do, I didn’t even message the guy back(as I explain he disappears) to say where are you, I said he will message if he wants to, I just feel like a different person, not sure if it is in a good way or bad. I have been working on myself, reading and writing for couple of months now after that incident, and maybe I have been focusing too much in finding out what to do and NYC, you might be right,you know the feeling that you just feel like; it feels so right for me to just sit here and read and write, I really don’t want to do anything else. I feel like I am clear now that this is what I am suppose to do, and that incident made me and forced me to have all this time to be able to work on my website and start writing again. So everything else just feels totally wrong, now as you say I might be blinded, or just emotionally tired, because I went through a big trauma, and I feel like I am at the end of my trying game, it is time for thigns to fall into place, because I have no more energy left to start from bottom again.

So, you know that feeling of being numb? this is how I feel after this couple of months. Maybe all this thinking and pondering and being by myself not wanting to be around people until I be able to figure things out made me this way, but I feel like I am ok with this, I mean I only need money now to get bills and rent and living situation sorted, other than that, I am ok. I feel like it suppose to be this way, I would love to be in NYC, but right now I am ok it feels right to be at home and work on my website. To be honest other than the outside world problems I had, this past couple of months have been nice for me , working on my website and reading books I want and finding what i want to do.
If only I knew what to do about money, and you are right, I know I will end up in NYC when the time is right, I am not sure if the time is now, it might be, but I just know what I want to do and what I am suppose to do specially in NYC. When I was praying the other day in the shower and crying and asking GOD how do I get paid, because this is all I know and I don’t know what to do about money, and please tell me what to do, all of a sudden I heard something , it was so weird, I heard it so clearly, someone said; give what you can give, and I will take care of you. I think I lose faith very easily and i have to remind myself that I have faith.
Thanks JAC, and matt
sorry I started rambling now, I have to read your posts all over again maybe I could figure out what to do now, but thank you so much for the insights. JAC you are a very insightful lady, hope we could talk more .
Love
Danubelle

JAC,
I do agree with you and really helps me that you understand, I think Matt is speaking in different term and on different level than me and you are, not all of what he is saying seems to apply here. He is going in general and deep that might be suitable for another kind of situation. You are more in touch with what I am saying and with reality that i am having. But I still do agree in some thing he is saying in general. And I do agree that spiritual people don’t judge and oporate from ego, I was surprised by that comment from matt but chose to ignore it, because I am here to find out what to do not to argue 🙂
Thanks again guys
Love
Danubelle

JAC,
Thank you so much for the explanation, the thing is, I agreed with you but that is a “Logical” person talking; about working on having money etc. We both know that if something is aligned and meant to happen everything comes together magically, I have had that before, so I don’t believe in that I have to do those things to make something happen, of course right now because nothing is happening, I have no choice but find a job here, but I don’t believe me planning for it has anything to do with it, since when something is meant to happen it usually does without me even trying. ANyways, but I do agree that I have to feel good about moving to NYC, and if i am not ready emotionally (which means having things in order) I wont feel good about it, that is what happened last time, everything got together without me even puahing, but I started to panic and doubt, because I felt like it might be the wrong move and felt like I am dong it for the wrong reasons so eveyrthing fell apart after that. I am done with my education, seems like we understand each others language quite well, you underdtand what I am going through which is great and makes me feel better that someone knows what I am saying. RIght now I feel like after that huge set back, I refuse to just to what I was doing before, doing shitty jobs and waiting for something great, I feel like I am at the point that I am going to start do what I love to do, and I have been knocked around for too long, this incident had a huge impact on me, and I refuse to let it go to waste, that is why I am trying so hard to find out what to do with it. I think I have finally admited to myself what I want to do and what i love to do when I am in nyc, and I already started doing it here online, I don’t want to talk about it much because I don’t want to give it away u know what I mean? but bascally I’ve loved to write all my life and help others with my writing, and despite everything I never had the courage to make it a career, now this came to me when I went through this whole thing.

ANyways, last night I found out I have to find a job or money very fast because my brother is giving up his apartment to go somewhere else and i need to find a place on my own, which I have no money for. But this shows me things are coming, I cried a bit at first but then remembered, these things always showed me something is happening, something good.
The job suggesitons were great thank you I see if I can try those. But I really thank you for beliving in my feeling, I know in my heart I belong in NYC, maybe the time hasn’t come yet, i just have to see what I can do to be ok right now.

Now Matt,
Thank you guys so much for caring and helping me out I really appreciate both of your help cause it is opening my eyes a bit more, but I have to say your explanation got me more confused about what you said about not acting on signs..
If you could just say in my case and practical way so I would understand, so what you are saying is that, when I see signs everywhere about NYC I should just see acknowledge and walk away? Not to think what to do about it? I have read so many times that, that is exactly what i am not suppose to do if i want ot listen to universe. So if you were in my situation, I understand you want to teach me how to do it myself, but this is tricky because what would do, if you have to decide right now, if you should look for a job in NYC or Toronto?
I have been doing both because I didn’t know what to do! ANd know this is not gonna give me results if i am not concentrating and focusing on one thing. So that is why I was asking what to do, because right now I need a job that pays rent and bills and i can handle and not feel like I wanna kill myself every time I go to work, and I don’t want to make another mistake of taking a detiour and I want to do exactly what i am suppose to do. That is why I am trying to listen to universe, I don’t want to waste any more time, I feel like it’s time for me now to listen and have courage to do it. I want to be a writer and help others with my writing (this is my passion and recently I finally got the courage to admit it after everyone kept telling me how good I am to understanding others and I kept ignoring it)
I do agree and understand some parts of your saying that I should just go with the flow and not cling and etc. And it is totally fine to see different point of views, you never know what and who is going come to your rescue. Right now JAC is a bit more clear and I can relate to it more because I just need a bit of direction from someone that understand what I am saying, as you Matt might be correct but it might be a bit to hard for me to understand it and put it in to action, since seems like you have not understood the urgency of my situation. In practical matters I need to know where to go for work, and just passing by the signs are not going to help me. Maybe I didn’t understand it properly.
Thanks guys
Love
Danubelle

JAC,
Than you again, you might be correct, but I am wondering why did you say it has been hard for me to get over it? to be honest, I have to mention to you, strangely enough this was the first guy in my life, I was very calm about it, I did not go crazy which I usually did in the past, I didn’t contact him to ask where he is, I was so in control which is not like me usually, when I get obsessed with someone I want to control everything, but this one, I basically let it happen, and when it ended I just was upset, but I didn’t do anything about it, everyone told me this is so not you, and you are acting like a mature confident woman, well of course I was having hard time getting closure because the urge to wanting to KNOW everything.. but strangely enough I wasn’t really madly in love with him, no crazy passion either, we just were so nicely fit together, like having a husband and it’s just easy.. anyawys, I am curios to know what is the relationship between a guy being tightly connected to NYC and not being a soulmate? in general!
And i have to say, as of now it I have basically let go of the need to know and etc. the only thing bugs me sometimes is memory of good times and him just comes and goes and I just stay with it and let it pass.
Love
Danubelle