Hey everyone! An unfortunate event happened. I went out Friday, and Brazil is a dangerous place. I was assaulted by 5 guys, had my money and phone stolen. I also broke off my front tooth. I went to seek help back where I lived because I took a taxi. My friends were not home and I was all bloody and everything.The only place I could think of going was her house. Her dad took me to the hospital. Obviously they were all pretty scared about what happened. I am doing better now and she sent me this startling email later that afternoon.

Carlos … I’ll ask you something definitely … Get out of my life and the lives of my family !!! I am so afraid of you !! Stay away from me for my own good, your good and the good of my family !! What do you make of your life is your business and I want no part of anything else … And please, no longer appears in my house !! I do not like you and I need u to respect it and follow your life !! I really am too afraid to u …. My panic attacks today was a thousand … I do not want you in my life at all !!! Do not hope for anything … I’m not feeling any !! And if I can suggest you something, I go back to Chicago and soon !! Stay away from me, please !!! Please do not answer me this email !!

Bye!!!

So with her reacting this way to me which was very rude and I don’t know why she would be afraid of me. With this experience being assaulted and things not working out with her. I think for my happiness and what is best for me I am returning to my family this Wed to Chicago and leaving things here behind. It is time for me to rebuild and I just need my family right now. I sent her an email yesterday because I needed to get somethings off my chest and leave with a peace of mind.

Hey, I hope you’re having a good night. I wanted to email you and let you know that I’ll be going to Chicago Wednesday. I wish you email so I can finish things with peace on my side of things. I’m not sure why you sent me that last email that was really nasty. I do not understand why you are afraid of me. I wanted to let you know that what happened to me was not my fault and I did not cause this to happen. I was not even going to go to his house, but Natalia but she was not home. The only person I can think of was his family to help me in a time of need. Do you think it was not a good idea? Just realize that I’m alone here and I thought I could always count on you for help. I guess I was wrong. Do not worry, because you and your family will not have to deal comigo.Eu also wanted you to know that I’m listening to you that you do not like me and I’ll respect that .I will live my life and move on with him to leave me with a good piece of mind in me I need to write this email. Please do not respond to it. Just for to keep it in your mind.

I will go tomorrow to the bank to take care of some things and talk to Jurandir and say my goodbye to my friends there. I wanted to warn you in advance so that you would not be surprised if you saw me there. Do not worry, I will not approach you or anything.

We had a wonderful story you and I, no matter how things ended here, but it was an adventure and an experience I will never forget. If you do not want to talk to me anymore, then that is your choice. If you choose not like me and not to be with me, then that is your choice. Me leaving Chicago is my choice and I need to do, because I’ll be happier there with my family. But I just wanted you to know something I need to tell you. I have no expectations, I will live my life and not look back anymore.
But I wanted to tell you that it can not be today may not be tomorrow, it may not be this year or next. But one day Adriana, you’ll realize that the right person for you was here in front of you. For whatever reason, it may be this was the wrong time. Perfect people, but found the wrong time in our lives. If you ever come to the conclusion that one day you want to be with me. Then you meet me, I message me no matter where I’ll be. Come to Chicago and meet me. I go with open arms talk to you, I go with open arms mickey be yours or you want me to be. That’s all going to be your choice your choice, not mine. If I never hear it again, so it’s okay, I guess it was not to be the end. But I wanted to leave the door open for you that I’m not hurt or angry with any of this. It is an experience and a lesson and I will learn from it and become stronger. I have no regrets about anything. I love you and that will never change. I wish you the best of luck in life. You are a strong and amazing person. Keep going forward and everything will be fine.

Right Carpe Diem! So go ahead and use it every day to get up in the morning and do something important. Take care of yourself, understand yourself better. Just know that, despite what you think of me at this time, for any reason, I hope one day you realize how patient, caring and everything I was with you. I always believed in you, want the best for you and showed you what a man should do for a woman. I hope that I could show him that I was not here to hurt you, I wanted to take care of you and show you that your past will not happen again. You had a chance with me and things were going well until a few things you need to better understand has to happen. That’s good though. Perhaps things had to happen this way. Regardless, you can always email me or message me if you want. I have no bad feelings about you!

-Carlos

Tiny Buddah community,things are going to end up being bitter with this mess that was created. I will leave with my head held high that I tried but under these circumstances it is best to do what will make ME happy and not someone else. The ball is in her court now and she can decide what she wants in the future and if she wants to message me or be with me then that is for her to decide and if I am still available or want to.

Hey Anne, I hope you are having a good day!Anytime that she felt scared or distant I would immediately notice and just let her come to me. As time passes she would message me and things would go back to normal. She is a very jealous person but during our last conversation where she friendzoned me, she talked about why she was always jealous and she came to the conclusion that she couldn’t understand why some other girls could be just your friend and not her and in a way she wanted to just have what we have only with her. She wanted to always go out with me as friends. Then she went on about how we are both almost 30 years old and there is no point wasting our time with something that is not going to evolve. I get what she is saying and in this moment it is not possible to evolve because of these mental blocks. The only situation that I did that was a mistake was I lied to her about something and she was upset about it which made her more cautious. I apologized, gave her space and things were okay afterwards and we continued the relationship like normal but would be very hesitant. She says that she tried and tried but her feelings never changed to evolve into more and she can’t feel something in general. About a 4 months ago she was feeling sad and before we finally started going out she said to me that she is a closed person and she just doesn’t feel the same way about people. From animals, to family to people and especially herself. How can she love someone if she cannot love herself. I am the last person to play games with someone. I love her and would want a future with her. Only time and space can solve this, or so I hope it does. If I was able to get her to open up and try then I am sure if she was feeling better that things would work. It is up to her though. I didn’t use to be patient. We are both the same age but I have life experience that helps me be mature and patient about things. I was in the Marine Corps and went to War, I was married before already and now moving to another country adds another experience. One issue that seemed to resonate with her is issues of the past. Having a negative feeling that the past will always come back to bite her in the ass. That I somehow still have feelings for my past and that just gave her ammunition to create something to push me away. Of course those things were created in her mind and not something that I put out there. At this moment she pushed me a way, told me she only sees me as a friend and that the relationship can’t go on because she needs to figure herself out. Wants to know if it is her the problem or if it is me. My gut feeling tells me that it is not about me. She definitely has feelings for me of other than friendship. For her to open up to me, to do all the things we do and the way we talked to each other only happens if there is attraction and you like each other. Etc sex, kissing, our cute nicknames, the way we interacted with each other. Things that “Friends” don’t do. She used to say that we have different feelings and that is something she wanted to change but couldn’t. I love her but I never wanted her to just love me quickly. That is something that happens over time especially with someone like her where “love” is something hard for her to just give because it would leave her completely vulnerable to get hurt again. Anything to risk and have something backfire is something on her mind.

Lastly, in the heat of the break up I hinted on that maybe I won’t be here anymore at the end of the year and just go back to Chicago. Thinking things clearly now, I have no intentions to go back. I enjoy living here and I really want to work things out with her and marry her one day.

Well this all happened yesterday. So it is still fresh. The last thing I said was when you know what you really want and figure things out and change your mind then contact me. In the meantime I just came back from the gym, posting here which helps me tremendously because I feel like I am not the only one who had this situation occur or is living it. She had a relationship of 5 years then one of 1.5 years she returned to the one of 5 years for a month and he shattered her heart completely. She has been single for two years before I came along in 2014. The Brazilian culture is are very close and the daughters and sons live with their parents most of the time until they are married. So right now she is not happy living at home, and not happy with her job either. She is very scared of a lot of things. Afraid to fly, afraid of relationships, insecure and negative thoughts. All this seemed to occur after she got disappointed in people.

At this moment I will give her space, and maybe after a few weeks if I haven’t heard from her, perhaps a small text to let her know that I am doing well and I am here for her always. but I would obviously prefer she contacts me when she feels ready. I don’t want to push her away.

Do you think talking to your ex is helping? Or does it just fulfill something emotional for you, the attachment without risking?

Dear Glet, You just perfectly described her on point. This is exactly here, thinking she is insecure and not good enough to love or receive love. As I was reading thru your message everything you said was true. She has a “moment” where things get serious and close and then after that she distance herself. Then when she cools down and becomes calm, she then searches for me because I give her the space to miss me and to figure things out. I still have hope that things will work out in the end. But at this moment she tells me that she needs to know herself, that she needs to figure things out. If it is truly her that she can’t feel these feelings or if it is me. I believe that it is just a mental block and with her going to therapy that she will get through it. At this moment, she wants friendship with me and that isn’t going to work since we want different things at this time. All I can do is give her the space to realize what she needs to see. What she needs to want and for her to search for me when the time is right.

Heartdrivenlife,

Thank you so much for your kind words! They are a inspiration to me! To be honest what I feel about moving in this direction is that in the end it will all be worth it! As a human being though I have my doubts sometimes and think in a place of insecurity. At the moment my feelings for her are from a different feeling. Hers at this moment is only of friendship because that is all she can feel due to her situation of “feeling”. She knows my intentions, my feeling, and she realizes the effort I am putting towards her. I guess the only thing scary to me is not necessarily how long it will take. But this idea that has been put out there that when she is ready that it will be for me. I seem to think that as a man continuing to have fun with her, going with the flow and the way our “relationship” is now that the answer is obviously yes because how could she not with our tight bond that is very special to her and me.

-Carlos