@helcat that is exactly what I feel he should be saying. I am supposed to be his chosen family. I have cut off family members of my own for less than that. Toxic behaviour ,when you allow it from one person, seeps into your other relationships, speaking from experience.

To be honest it’s more the principle that he allows and enables toxic behaviour towards me that he KNOWS hurts me. It makes me worried about the future.

Outside of this, the relationship is pretty good. We have some smaller issues to work out (we’re both in therapy) but generally, it’s more good than anything else.

@anita – Thank you for sharing your story. I feel less alone and like a monster. I have actually been through DBT once before, although I didn’t engage properly and was using weed to regulate my feelings during. So I’m hoping to start it again in around 1 month.

I have a lot of struggles. I struggle with extreme abandonment issues. Even when I say goodbye to people I get anxious I won’t see them again, that they don’t like me, that I annoyed them. Huge fear of being alone. That’s probably the toughest battle I have right now if you have any advice.

I’m doing a little better anita. I met with my ex-partner and asked he give me another chance – that I know I relied on him to “fix” my mental health and I will be going to therapy to get better as soon as I can and I’m trying to do everything I can to get better. We are speaking again now although taking things slow.

@sarah – This is very true, my drug counsellor has said the same thing also that I need to put myself first. That’s interesting about the top 3 priorities. I think – physical health, making connections with people and being more independent and self-directed. Like I said above I have an extreme fear of abandonment to the point I will sacrifice myself to be what I perceive as “accepted” but in reality no one else is not accepting me. That article is really helpful, thank you. I have struggled with Chronic fatigue previously and I know it is from chronic stress. I need to address my mental health issues which are causing the stress so the fatigue doesn’t come back. Switching off social media helps because I compare myself constantly. Meditation, breathwork and yoga helps. Painting. Nature. Music. Animals (my cat Leo). Art. Books. Films or a good TV series.  Simple pleasures like a nice cup of tea, a nice view,

Hi Unconditional,

Yes I am very afraid they will tempt me back into this type of lifestyle. I have tried to make it clear on several occasions I’m not interested in doing these types of things any more, but I don’t think it’s of much interest to them. They think it’s a “phase” I’m going through.

I do try and inspire them to improve, in the act of offering advice and guidance, but sometimes I feel like my kindness gets taken for weakness with these particular people. Hence why I perhaps questioning whether it is time to let go. Other than these wild nights where I feel like I don’t belong any more I seldom see them.

In response to “If you are upset that you are only giving and not getting, then they’re not truly your friends anyway, and so you should have no trouble letting go” I think this may be a little wishful thinking. In an ideal world it would be easy to let go of unhealthy relationships, but in reality we know it’s not quite as simple as that. I understand how you can come to the conclusion that “there is no problem” but it is not that way I see it at the moment, as explained in my previous point and it’s a little upsetting for someone to invalidate my problems so blunty. However, I completely appreciate this may not be the outcome you intended with your words.

Hi Nina,

I think that sounds like a good compromise. No need to throw daggers, but equally I think distance between myself and these people will actually do me good. As the Buddha said nothing is life is permanent 🙂