Thank you both.

Matt your words made me open my eyes wider this morning. I wasn’t dwelling in negatives while at work half as much as I have been previously. I have never really given meditation a real shot before. It used to scare me in fact. Maybe I can see the reasons why now. You really touched me and made a difference to my day in a really personal way. Thank you for understanding.

Sarah, yes I love her and haven’t let her go. I feel the need to talk to her throughout the day and miss the normality we had in between all of our chaos. I miss making her smile and kissing her with my eyes. She has felt the need to change dramatically though and has made it clear that she loves me but is no longer ‘in love’. I can see why, I had no confidence in myself or my decisions which wasn’t attractive. She tried to reassure me but I rejected her help. I was never open to embrace shame as something people felt. After we broke up I became desperate in losing the sense of security and unconditional love. She gave me many chances before to change and i didn’t. It is unfair to say I have changed now when it is past the point. I regret not making her feel valued and fear she will always see me with that stigma. I feel like a different man. I can’t blame her for wanting happiness.