Thank you for your feedback! At this point, the fact that he is not speaking to me has forced me to look deep within myself to determine if I want this type of relationship. I do not. I’m baffled because we had been on the same page since day one and we did a very good job of being honest with each other – or so I thought. I guess at this point I have to suck it up and accept the fact that he had a change of heart and can’t be what we need him to be. He has a lot of growing up to do.

Couldn’t agree more! Change comes from within- and I like to surround myself with people who want to grow and learn from the past- not be paralyzed by it. I think he has some deep issues from the death of his Mom and then the sudden death of his father. He still blames himself for not being able to save his Dad. He was a very heavy drinker after the Mom died and then turned into a gambling addict. So much so that he was a high roller at the casino in CT and had free rooms every weekend etc. He had a lot of money but my boyfriend was left on the weekends to fend for himself while in HS. I feel bad for him, he’s not strong like I am..

Hi Anita, You hit the nail on the head- it’s almost scary how you picked up on all of that. He’s been working on the house since the day I reconnected with him (almost 3 years ago) – he will have days (maybe one day a month) that he can actually concentrate to get anything done. Almost always, the jobs are very little yet he is extremely proud of himself ( I am to). I am a very empathetic person (to a fault) so i can pick up on his hesitation or lack of energy to complete tasks so i tend to go with the flow and never pressure him and I always applaud him for the work that he’s done. I never know when to push him or suggest ideas for the house. I never want to push him so much that he’s snapped. Lately, he’s been putting a lot of pressure on me to move in. Saying very nice things such as: “I can’t wait for you to move in so I can see you everyday” and “I can’t wait to start a family” I know it’s all genuine- I’m a well educated person so I know the difference between someone that is using me etc. He is a great person all around. Also, he has a tiny house in his backyard (super cute, rented out in the summer Air BNB because we live in a beach town) – he has been living in that for the last 6 months while he is “working” on the house. I was all for that because it’s a great place for us to hang out/cook dinner and relax in a vacation-type home. He basically has trashed the place due to his lack of cleaning abilities. For example, he made us an awesome superbowl dinner- wings/guac/nachos and as of 21 days later had yet to do the dishes. His family jokes about how gross he was growing up. I have a laundry list of things that would repulse the normal human. Sometimes it’s so messy i have to go over hours before we hang out just to clean. It’s almost as if he is paralyzed and can’t do it. This is beyond the typical man – it’s so bad that when i opened his fridge, i was dry heaving for 5 min. I have  strong stomach- i hunt and have seen the insides of many animals and never once felt sick. I think this has something to do with the anxiety/adhd…but again, I have NO experience with this. I am a strong person that has overcome many obstacles without having anxiety. I thought his messy-ness was just a typical guy but the more I see lately, the more I think this is something psychological. Sometimes, he will go days without showering. But to the outside world, most people would consider him the total package. I think I’ve become more pushy/critical because I guess I was just trying a different approach- nothing before was working. I’ve also asked him how he can accomplish so much at work but then do zero at home (i said it in a very nice way) and he basically said that he’s always been like that. I’m torn because i would do anything for him and stick by him through anything- mental illness etc. He also is a heavy drinker and heavy pot smoker, is constantly chewing tobacco and smokes cigarettes. I like to indulge to and we never do it around my daughter but i only drink once or twice a week when we hand out and i know he does it everynight. He told me he can’t sleep without those things. I just don’t know if there is a chance at helping him or if he is pulling away because he knows he simply can’t be the man my daughter and i need….