Hi to both of you! I’ve got your responses and I want to write a thoughtful reply. Just popping  in to say they were received and thank you.

OH WOW, this resonated with me hardcore! YES I did say that! And I even went back and looked at that post! Wow.

I am running around, but less so? I traveled a lot, tried a few different careers, and settled on writing. I now work full-time as an editor for an online media company and write plays when I’m not working. I have traveled fairly often and even lived out of my car! I ran around but I grew up… And here I am doing it again.

Thank you for reaching out to me. I hope it’s not too late for me to reach back out to him. But more importantly, I want to work on this part of ME and I don’t know how I can do it.

Hi, everyone! I hope all is well.

Thank you again for providing this advice. It was so helpful.

I have decided not to go to Costa Rica, though part of me hurts in saying that. I really want to adventure,and my heart is telling me to go, but my gut (and my brain), are saying no. I haven’t officially turned down the offer, but in my head I’ve decided to not go. I’ve also decided to begin cutting myself off, gradually, from my mom and dad. This will be hard, but worthwhile. I’m excited and scared about this.

What I can’t get a grip on are my feelings towards Costa Rica. I sort of want to go, but I would have to leave behind a good barista job I love, my apartment, and my friends. I would be living in an area I know very little about, and the owner hasn’t given me much information regarding my housing. It seems laid back and safe, but I fear not knowing that much going into a foreign country all by myself.

The whole thing is causing me great stress and anxiety. Not sure why, but unfortunately, that’s the case.

Ah, I was just messaging to ask what resorts you were familiar with or what area. I’m looking at Montezuma.

@Will, well the program covers my rent and provides 3 meals a day, so there’s that. But I know what you mean. It’s still free labor. I honestly don’t have a problem with that, though, because I’ll be staying somewhere beautiful for free (it would be much more expensive to vacation.) It will be a good opportunity to learn. But thank you for your comment, as it encouraged me to continue to think very critically about this choice.

@Pink, thank you as well. Yes, being financially dependent does not feel good, at all. It’s nice having openness and security, but yes! I want to explore and try everything. I don’t want to be on one path…at least I don’t think so.

Brett,

That was an amazing and uplifting message! Thank you so much for your kind words. As for traveling, I have considered it many times. I’ve done my fair share, but am always up for me. I suppose I grow intimidated of “missing out” on stacking up my career in my 20s. I feel that I “should” be working 9-5s, making money, and setting myself up for success. It seems like it’s easier to accomplish things in the world when you have money, which may be true, but I don’t want to get lost in that cycle.

I don’t think having a plethora of “stuff” would make me happy, though. I got into the habit of buying things when I felt sad, and realized how temporary that joy is. (It began when I was a teenager…distracted by pretty things quite easily. Maybe it’s because I’m a libra.)

Regardless, I am taking your advice to heart. Also currently reading “Finding Your Own North Star” by Martha Beck. It’s amazing. The advice she gives is so similar to what you have to offer.

Thank you again, Brett! If your mission is to help others, you have certainly been helping me.

Little Coconut.

Hi Michael

I’m so grateful for your words. Right now, unfortunately, money, status, and validation mean a great deal to me, even though I know that they shouldn’t. I come from a privileged family, and so I’m somewhat afraid of being without money, and also sometimes don’t take finances too seriously…For instance, I dream of backpacking across the United States. This will shorten my time to start a career, and it will likely be financially crazy. I dream of getting gas money through freelance work, or through working temporary jobs from friendly people. I’ve encountered a few over the years, and I know they exist. In my heart it doesn’t seem crazy, but it does in my brain. As for my gut? That’s what I’m working on… 🙂

I would like to hear more about your story. You seem to have a great deal of wisdom. Do you no longer like the work, or the predictability of life? What are you looking to do now? What kind of art do you like?

Being happy is so important. I’m searching on how to find that.

And I’m sorry for the delay in my response. In my clouded head, it’s often hard to keep up with things. But I wanted to respond to you and keep our conversation going. Thank you so much for your reply.

Amanda

Heather,

Thank you so much for your wise and kind words. I am so grateful to have ears out there, especially from someone who went through something similar and is able to provide sincere advice. I wanted to let these words sink in for a day or two, which is why I am just now responding.

I’m so familiar with this “unrelenting state of confusion.” It seems like the decisions stay weighted in my brain every day, muddling and dancing with my thoughts. I’ve tried desperately to listen to that inner voice, and taking comfort in knowing it isn’t really a “VOICE” at all. It’s more of a feeling, correct me if I’m wrong. I purposely search for online articles (which may be unhealthy) or other people to tell me NOT to do TV. To tell me, it’s okay, I was confused too. It’s like I’m searching for permission to listen to my inner voice.

Maybe it’s because I don’t trust it, or trust myself. I think: don’t be lazy. Go up and work. You’ll like the TV industry when you’re successful and have loads of cash. (Which after typing, sounds a little gross, especially taking in your advice, BenzRabbitt!!) I think so many of my doubts are rooted in fear. Fear of failure, fear of regret, fear of rejection, fear of imperfection.

Meaning, not only is okay to change from what you’ve always know to be your “identity”, it’s imperative to your personal growth process to redefine yourself in all the ways you feel compelled to transform.

Maybe these are the words I should lock onto. I take great comfort in this sentence, but wonder, “what will happen? what if I fail?” My degree is in Media Art, with a minors in Theatre and Creative Writing. I have no internships/professional work experience that are not in media production. What on earth would I do?!

“What-ifing” is certainly helpful, but also opens a realm for me to see opportunities where I could be happy/unhappy either way. Is that simply how life works? No matter what we have, how little or how much, we will always find something to be grateful for or happy with? I’m not sure. I think you’re right though, the only way to really get clear answers is by doing.

If I may ask, how did you handle your change, and your desire to break from what was expected of you? Have you done it, or are you planning on? If it’s too personal, no need to share for my sake. You’ve already done so much.

P.S. BenzRabbit, this helped as well….money seems to be an issue for me. I’m very afraid of not having it. Not sure why.