Hi Inky,

it took a lot of courage to finally say “that’s it im done with the bs,” but the toxicity was literally killing my soul and my spirit.  Emotionally I just couldn’t do it anymore so I really had no other option then to just do it.  The rest, money, job, permanent place to live, I’m with my dd right now , will all come in time and work itself out and I let spirit guide me to my path.  🙂

Hi Ladies,

Thought I was strong and ready to go then it’s overly nice again.  Like above and beyond and as much as my heart would love to believe all of this, I am reminded of how his niceness was used to pull one over on me while he gave me my time to figure out what I wanted.  What kind of relationship needs to figure out who I am?  what kind of relationship needs for me to distance myself to see I’ve lost my happy free spirit?  it’s like a train going in a circle to fast for me to jump off…And now I don’t feel like I hear them at all.  A few weeks ago the signs were there, nightmares, ect…now nothing, no anxiety either, now is it because the spirits know that I know what decision to make and it’s just going to happen no matter what?  But I really need their strength right now…I kind of feel abandoned by trying to figure out where im going

Yes the slowing down part..i feel like i need to do it all now..my body has been so stressed with fight or flight for so long …

Thanks ladies..not brave but i cant keep doing this its crazy..he fits the description perfectly..let him be someone elses problem..tried to talk to him tonight and again im the only one to blame ..i should of changed..screw you…i never needed to change…need a real man…hope is for me now..i told him its time for me to go…he said he would help ..well see but ill take it lol im not stupid lol i found a new way to increase my own motivation ..for every fear i replace with a positive..so like im sure he already has his next victim ..good note that will keep him distracted and give me what i need to go…

thank you.  I guess I just feel rushed as im sure he wants me out now…Im panicking a little.  Breathe.

HI Anita.

I did go back and read my post. OMG you knw the saying if I only knew then what I know now lol The difference now I feel weaker is that we live in the same house. Then I had my own place so i could basically ignore him, so much easier to just block him, now it’s the I don’t want to lose you ect…but since I told him im not sure I want to be there anymore, he changed his password on his cell account and funny he has been working late the last few nights. Hum..One thing I learnt with a narc there is no such thing as coincidence. NEVER. So I want more then this. time to find a place of my own. Please send good vibes that something affordable and decent comes my way ASAP. i think the quicker i get this done the better it wil be for me.

Hi Anita…

Yes the same relationship…I was finally moving on, felt so light and the first time I really felt at peace with my emotions and myself and he texted..i felt strong enough o meet and guess what? I wasn’t…I believed all the lies of how he felt about me, and not about her ectt….I believed them because in reality I wanted to. I wanted to know that he was also hurting, which I know now, narcissist don’t, so fast forward moving in, making my son part of this, knowing my intuition was pushing me all the time to just believe in me, with numerous ways that his type of person continued to manipulate me and I continued to believe more in him then myself. I’ve done a lot of reaseach on me and him and realized doesn’t matter what he is like and if he is a narcissist, or just an asshole, my spirits tell me (as weird as that sounds to some)..run…run..run…you are better then this…do it for your future, your future to meet that person you will feel complete joy with…do it for you own personal…spiritual growth…do it so your children see you happy and know what a healthy relationship is…money issues…job issues ..ect all of those are material things that will within this year of feeling happy with yourself all fall into place. Sometimes I just need people to say WE know you got this…Believe in yourself!!! He has shown me so much negative about myself that it’s diffiuclt at times to see me any differntley and to keep strong.

I still can’t believe that something from 2014 came up lol Amazing, just wehne I needed it.

Hi Anita,

Thank you and I agree, I haven’t spoken to my daughter yet concerning this as it’s been stressful already for her lol but yes I will do this. I think is that they want to be part of this family , I mean we all want to be part of a family but at the age they are at they need to this on their own, and I know it’s difficult with seeing each other a few times a year, but the truth is the boys are not close and thye live in the same house and I do believe a lot of it had to do with my bf behavovior. Unless the kids put in an effort with each other and an interest in even asking us questions about each other, there would be no point, I want to enjoy my only daughters’ wedding without having to worry how they are feeling all night.