Tulips9, just know that you don’t have to do anything based on a timeline that you are unsure about. You don’t have to take another big step with your boy friend just because its the next logical thing to do. You also don’t have to succeed after you get your degree. I can point to plenty of people who don’t succeed with a degree and lots that do succeed without one. So if success is the fear no worries, you can choose to delay success as long as you want until you are comfortable with the idea 🙂

I hope you do very well on your school work and that you find the clarity and serenity you are looking for what is next for you in life. You sound like you will be fine.

Tulips8 you seem very self aware (i.e. that you may be sabotaging yourself). Its good that you see that many of these things you are feeling may in fact be illusions designed by yourself to keep yourself from accomplishing your schooling.

Once you pass all your tests, what will that mean for you?

Anna,

Very sorry to hear that you have had to go through all that, but happy to see you reaching out.

My suggestion is more positive people in your life. That can be a bit challenging as an introvert but we’ll worth the effort. My suggestion, go to meetup.com find some activity groups you are interested in and you will meet lots of people many of which will have much better energy as you put it.

You seem very articulate and I am sure lots of people will want to get to know you better when you put yourself out there.

In a past post you mentioned. Not feeling worthy of having a relationship or something to that effect. Do you still feel the same now?

Hi Amber,

Were you exclusive to this person or did you date other people while you lived near him? When you did move 4 hours away were you only dating him exclusively or other people as well?

My question, is it possible that you may have felt a bit smothered? Are you usually the type that needs to have space in a relationship?

Hi Jeff

That is terrible to hear that someone would say that. My only solace to you would be:

Consider how empty someones life must be to want to say mean and hurtful things. Often the people who bully are themselves victims of being bullied.,

Their comments were not about you. They probably have similar venom for a lot of people, spreading misery in a shallow attempt to fill a void.

Based on what I have read you sound like a good person who by sharing his thoughts and pain helps people that you will never know. The best thing you can do is feel pity for this person, they are trapped in a terrible state, they act out, and they may have no clue and little chance at recognizing it ii in an attempt to better themselves.

If you see this commenter with compassion with all the hateful things they have said you will be closer to having the compassion reserve that you deserve for yourself and your own healing journey.

What if this hateful comment becomes the reason you feel more compassionate for yourself, then it could truly be a blessing and growth opportunity in disguise.

Hi singer

Sorry to hear that you feel lonely, I have been there myself and it’s not a good feeling. A couple of things I would advise.

The whole concept of being ok with being alone to me is more about knowing yourself and not relying on others for determining your own self worth. For example of being poorly differentiated. A guy you like smiles at you, you think you are hot stuff. Next day he does not pay attention to you so now you question your attractiveness.

If you want to be with some else because you are lonely, board, horny etc… That’s totally ok and perfectly healthy. You just need to be good accepting yourself regardless of what other people may or may not do. If you had to be with someone to consider yourself lovable, that could be a problem.

And you certainly don’t need to wait to be chosen. I wish more girls would have been forward with me. But that said you know you don’t have to limit yourself to your social circles. You may actually enjoy online dating. It worked for me and my wife 🙂

Go out have fun, and just be open to experiences you might enjoy and be straight up with the guys, you are looking to meet people and enjoy their company and see what happens.

Great advice by the other posters.

It is actually very normal for a small percentage of the population to be very clingy. I have heard it described as being in their own little shell, everything is fine, but then once they attach to someone they really really attach. I had someone I dated, and she used to be very clingy, called 5-6 times a day and would show up without making plans. It used to be too much for me. I do wonder if a more mature version of me would have been able to handle things better.

How clingy would you be if you met someone you liked and the two of you lived together? Do you think in that situation you would feel less need to cling to the other person so often?

I think this is ok to an extent. The problem with this ok behavior is that it does push beyond the boundaries of what many people find comfortable (hence it may not be ok for certain people you would cling to). Certainly some people would be ok with that level of attention from you.

How do you feel about the fact that you can be “clingy”?

Can you elaborate on why your behaviors are what you consider “Self Sabotage”?

Why do you consider the people you “cling” to “victims”?