Hello. I understand that he broke up with you, then you started e-mailing him and he responded for a while then he stopped. You can’t expect him to be who he was during your relationship. After a breakup it’s not the same, he’s not same. You can’t expect him to be nice and all of that because he decided he wants to break up with you. He stopped responding and now he blocked you because he broke up with you and WANTS to move on and wants you to leave him alone. Understand this. I know it’s extremely hard, but you need to understand that after you two break up you need to leave him alone. He moved on. If he wanted to let you know something, he would have done that. If he wanted to be with you, he would not have broken up with you. Respect his decision, respect and accept the fact that he simply doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. You are hurting yourself by thinking that you need him to give you something he DOESN’T WANT. I know, maybe you can’t believe it cause he was so sweet and he made you feel something and you thought this is going somewhere….but it’s over. He is NOT the person you want anymore. He is not your boyfriend anymore. He wanted the breakup and now he has moved on. Respect that. You ARE HURTING YOURSELF by telling yourself that you NEED an explanation. Please understand that you DON’T NEED any explanation from him. You can live without him giving you an explanation. Stop torturing yourself with these thoughts that you “need” him to give you an explanation so you can move on. No… you can move on without that. So do yourself a favor and understand all this. You already have all the explanation you want – he broke up with you, has moved on and wants you to leave him alone for good. That’s everything you need to know in order to move on. It’s enough. And thinking over and over again about the “why’s” will not help you, ever.

Hello. I think you’re strong and brave. I know that you may have thought about this, but I’m sharing with you my ideas, you don’t have to take them in consideration, I’m trying to help as I can.

Why does he has access in your home? Maybe you can change the lockers if he has the keys….prevent him from entering the house somehow.

It would be really helpful if you could hire or stay with someone who knows your situation and is capable to face him and fight him if necessary.

Or maybe you can move or go somewhere else for a while, to recover physically and to think of a way to make him stop.

Maybe you could install cameras in your home and outside your home to have proof.

Hello.

I just want to say that I relate to you to some extent. Just like you I always felt the need to always be talking to some guy. I also deal with anxiety. From what you wrote I understand that what you want now is for you to feel happy by yourself. You weren’t really 100% happy with him, and my opinion is that what you loved/liked about him very much was the interest and total commitment he showed in you and how he treated you, especially that you never had someone to show you this much interest and commitment before. I’ve been there. It’s hard because you feel like you lost the care he had for you, the interest, the commitment and you fear you’ll never find someone who will like you that much.

I always like to talk from experience, so all I can tell you is that it gets better with time and the feeling that you “lost” something will eventually go away.

I know what you mean by that. When I’m single I’m the same because I don’t put so much worth on everything a boy I talk to does…and I don’t care cause we’re not in a relationship. But once I get in a relationship, don’t know why, it changes for me. I feel like I need to control him, to make him give me everything that I want, like he’s there only to provide me with all the attention, affection that I want. Now I understand why you want to stay with him, so you can see for real if you have changef or not,cause when you’re single you can’t tell because there aren’t any situations that trigger that kind of behaviour. That was what I was thinking too when I was with him, and it’s true only like that you can surely tell.

Anyway, after my breakup I also realised a lot of things. And I think I’m changed. Again, not 100% (I don’t even want to be … like another person) but I am. After my breakup, I had another short term relationship with someone who couldn’t show any affection to me, didn’t like when I showed affection to him, keeping things from me…(I know he doesn’t have to tell me everything….I didn’t force him anyway…but in a relationship when it’s real you want to tell everything to the other person…anyway I know it wasn’t something ‘real’), he didn’t really talk to me, he was always unsatisfied with what I did…he made me feel so stressed. Anyway, I broke up with him because this was clearly not what I wanted. Now I feel that I want to be single until I find a right person. I’m glad I feel this, because until now I always felt the need to be with someone, to get someone’s attention.

Before havin this short term relationship, I realized that I used boys to make me feel good about myself because I lacked self-confidence. Like I was always expecting from my bf to make me feel good about myself and tell me exactly what I wanted to hear and be there everytime that I want not caring about what his plans are and not being understanding. This is not healthy and thank God I’m over that phase, I don’t overreact or exaggerate anymore. BUT that doesn’t mean that I have to accept some behaviours that are generally not okay….And I won’t do that because that’s not the point….

I couldn’t totally change while being in a relationship with him, but maybe you can do it.

Yes, you’re right you need to change some things too…. I was lucky enough to be with someone who really cared for me and loved me, a secure person (he had his bad parts too but that’s not my point). And he explained to me a lot and made me realize things but I still couldn’t change…it was the same cycle over and over again…I didn’t want to be like that he didn’t deserve it and he became more and more sensitive to my attitude or mean comments…so he wouldn’t talk to me after a fight, he withdrew his affection for several days…he started feeling like it should be better for us to break up…I tried to change but I just couldn’t change in a relationship with him..strangely…I told him I’m gonna change but I couldn’t. And he broke up with me, I was very shocked and hurt, now I’m fine, glad we broke up and I’m changed now.  plus reading a lot of articles ……..helped me change. The difference between him and your bf is that he showed me affection….Even if you change….you’re still gonna be unhappy because he isn’t willing to change and won’t change. You don’t have to leave him….but at least think about it…..it’s 50/50 but from what I see you accept him like that only because you feel guilty… It’s not healthy for you…..I mean…please try to change, cause when you do you’ll leave him without fear…cause anyway he’s not what you need and you don’t need to keep being unhappy just because you want to take care of him and make him feel understood……..

Hi, H. I came here to see your post. I want to tell you my opinion and I want you to really listen. I was controlling and jealous too (without no reason with my last bf). I learnt so much from my last relationship. I realized my mistakes, I grew up. I know you don’t want to hear things like leave him, find someone better. I want to tell you so much from my experience to make you understand what I know now.

First, you don’t have to change in the sense of trying to need less attention and affection. You deserve to receive that and you are right to need it. It’s not like he’s giving you that and you’re being unreasonable. Yeah, ok, he has his problems but the reality is he isn’t giving you what you need, while you’re there for him, trying to comfort him and understand him.

Second, you feel that he’s the right one and that you’re not supposed to leave him just because you realized your issues in your relationship with him. And now you feel like you can make it right just because you know what you do wrong. It happened the same to me. But that doesn’t mean he’s the one. He’s just someone with whom you discovered yourself more and with whom you learnt many things with.

Sacrificing yourself for him (your needs and wants) won’t make him love you more…….sorry, but it’s the truth. And be honest with yourself, you only told him that you don’t want a marriage and kids just so you can make him feel safe and just so he can feel that you understand him, so that he won’t leave….

If he’s the right one, how come you’re so unhappy? Just be honest with yourself…….don’t sacrifice your needs for him….he will be okay, you don’t need to be like his mother and make him feel safe and not getting your needs…I mean, it’s okay to make him feel safe and be understanding but not to the point of you being depressed and unhappy….

Hi Katie.
I somehow relate to what you wrote about having relationship anxiety. I have it too and when I’m in a relationship that is my main focus cause just like you I don’t have many hobbies and I’m not a sociable person who enjoys going out often and keep in touch with people, except for a partner with whom I’d spend every minute with.
You asked if it’s okay to go a day without talking when you’re in a relationship. I think it depends on the person. I wouldn’t like it. For me it’s not normal and I would not want to be with someone like that (just my opinion). I think you need to communicate your thoughts more in a kind, nice manner.
You said you two met online… So I guess you saw how he is like from the beginning, right? And then it didn’t bother you. If someone reaaally likes you and is invested in you, you’ll just know.
It’s a good thing you have learnt from your past mistakes (for example not to ask again a man to compare the feelings for you with the feelings for someone else in the past – that sounds like something I did sometime ago, and just like you finally understood it makes no sense to do that).

It depends on what you want. I must say you’re kinda lucky to be in this position…to have 2 guys to choose from: your ex with whom you had a stable relationship and a new guy who shows you affection and is honest.

I know what is like to be an insecure person and it’s really hard.

It seems like you want to fix some issues and prove to him some things, to see if he has changed for the better or at least that he really tries for real… You’re not sure what to choose because neither of them offers you a certainty. It’s kinda early for the new guy to think of a future with you… I think you’re more sure of your ex cause you have some history together…

But your ex didn’t tell you he really wants to get back together.. he wants to see you and see if you could be together again… You can talk to both of them at the same time for a short period of time considering that neither of them is really committed to you and I think that’s how you can decide…