Hello again.

When I told you about specialized help, I was thinking that maybe you can find something on the internet, since you don’t have the money.

I am not “specialized” so I’m sorry if my answer didn’t help you. Just wanted to tell you my opinion.

Hi.

From what I see you already know that you are not bisexual. If you were one, then you would be capable to feel with a girl what you feel with a man and that doesn’t happen. You were just curious and you indirectly had the permission of your mother who also experienced with a girl. You had some dreams with a girl and this caused you worry and anxiety, and then your brain tried to make sense to your anxiety so you remembered those experiences from the past and you took it as a sign that you may be bisexual.

You are also aware that because of your fear of getting hurt or of the relationship with that man not working out, you kind of made yourself unconsciously feel uncertainty about your sexuality, so you can avoid getting hurt and being left.

When you have those thoughts about whether or not you are bisexual, accept those thoughts and don’t panic automatically. If you change your thoughts from “What if I am bisexual??” (worry) to “So what if I am bisexual?” it will help. If you ask yourself the second question your mind will automatically try to prove you that you are NOT… and then the next thought will be something like “I am not a bisexual.” You already know that. If you have some thoughts that doesn’t mean they are true, that doesn’t mean you have to believe them. You pay too much attention to your thoughts. As long as your thoughts only make you feel bad/anxious/worried for no reason and without nothing you can do about that practically, it means they are not useful and that you can stop paying that much attention to them.

I am so glad it helped you. Everything I told you is from my experience.

“I understand that thoughts are not real and that they are not dangerous but what I find difficult is making a thought less scary.” – That was my problem too and more probably still is but its not surfaced yet. To make your thought less scary is to stop thinking of your thought like is scary, automatically. You don’t have to be scared, I think you might have slipped in an automatic thought process/belief.. You already think your thoughts are scary, so they are. Because it’s about your perception. If you start to feel scared just because you have a simple thought, stop yourself and ask why am I scared? If you try to be rational, the power of fear lessens.. cause the fear has power over you exactly because you don’t question it.

Start questioning your fears.

Trust him when he says he’ll do something about it once his mom has the money.

If you can, offer him money already to see if he’s really serious or not.

He’s still a boy, as Mark said.

After you wait patiently or give him the money sooner, you’ll have one of the 2 situations: either he won’t do something about it, or he will do. For the first one, it will be up to you if you continue the relationship and be always frustrated and causing fights that will lead to a breakup eventually, or break up with him from the start.

Hello again.

From what you wrote in your last post I see that you want him more because of the feeling you have when you’re around him. You will experience that feeling again in the future just be patient and do the right thing.

If I were you I would tell him I don’t want to continue talking to him because he is already in a relationship and it’s not right.

Maybe you believe that because you feel that with him you must give in and just see what happens. But if you two will be together, in the future you might be in his now girlfriend’s shoes..

Feelings come and go, after a few months or years this feeling you have now will be replaced by something more… stable… And you’ll be in the same situation, not feeling that rush from the beginning and maybe even get hurt because he is the kind of guy who talks to other girls even though he has a gf and for me at least, it’s not okay.

You will find somebody else!!! Just be patient and stop talking to him.

Omg, I felt almost everything you wrote, I relate to that.

Before I met him I made a decision to not be with someone if I just want them to keep me away from being single. And then I met him and even though I haven’t been attracted to him at first, we talked about everything and got to know each other and he was ‘perfect’ for me because he did everything I wanted from someone – he gave me full attention all the time, talked to me all the time, was infatuated with me.. and I fell in love with him too because he treated me the best and was so kind. I really love him but I think I became too attached, the good thing is he doesn’t give me any reason to worry about his love for me.

I also have moments just like you when I feel so calm and sure of myself and us, but then sometimes I still worry or get anxious about little things… so it’s like a wave.

“how do you just let go of the fear and expectations? It’s always about believing that the other option is better.” – If everything is very good between you two, you just enjoy it… not have any expectations… so maybe this is just not what you really want and that’s okay…and you think he’s special and that’s why you hang on him… so you can also try…. you’ll realize if it’s what you really want or not, but just keep it real.

The fact that you value connections and said that you “don’t like how disposable relationships and people seem to be now” (I feel the same) makes it clear that you actually want a commited relationship but you are just scared of being vulnerable and hurt, which from what I see you realized which is a good thing.

Hello. I want to share with you my thoughts but I want to mention that I don’t know how personalization feels like.

You said you feel safe and happy when you’re with him, so you’re not completely numb.

Maybe you feel that if someone is kind, nice to you and likes you, you *must* feel something for them, because you’re not used to be treated like that. But you don’t have to force yourself to feel something for someone just because they are nice to you. Maybe that’s why you’re confused. Being treated well should be a normal thing, not something special. If you feel good while you’re around him, it’s fine. When you’re with him, you’re out of your head, able to relax and enjoy what you two are doing, that’s why you feel good. But when you’re at home by yourself you’re again in your head. Be honest with him – “I feel good when I’m with you and etc (whatever you feel) but I’m having a hard time, I would really appreciate it if you would be patient but at the same time I may never feel something deeper.”, you know what to say just be honest and real.

I have never had a boyfriend until I was 17 I think. I had a really low self-esteem, I was never liked back before, so when I starteose guys that I wasn’t necessarily attracted to or ‘right’ for me just because they liked me and made me feel some way. Then I got my heart broken eventually and I became a ‘serial dater’ because I couldn’t be single… The relationship that I have now with a boy that I know for 4 years made me realize a lot of things, made me change and grow.

And now I know that this also caused me a lot of confusion….because I chose people not because I actually like them AND are right for me, but because they made me feel special…or gave me attention or whatever.

But I can choose who I want to be with, I don’t have to accept anybody without actually listening to my inner self.

Don’t force anything and be honest with him, have your boundaries, don’t give in to your insecurities, talk to him.

Maybe you feel that if you had a bad past you deserve/have to be with somebody that makes you relieve those stuff. Not necessarily. You’re not your past, you can overcome it, you can feel better. Don’t accept people who lie to you, treat you bad. You have to communicate from the start what you expect from him.

I think I wrote too much, hope it helps!