You might look into getting a life coach. Not a therapist, a seasoned, experience life coach. It sounds like you’re looking for direction from all the same old sources and they are working. why not try something like a coach to help you get a new direction and clean up what is getting in your way. The answers you’re looking for are not outside of you. Growing and exploring yourself will more likely produce better results. Been there, done that.

Lanny, I love Anna’s response. There is no right answer. Pick a direction, any direction and start on the path. You ll Quickly learn whether it nurtures you or not. If you don’t like the path, change it, The world expects you by that I mean your family and friends to be consistent, always the same. Consider instead that your future and your life are your creation. As you learn more about yourself, upgrade yourself you become more congruent with who you are. What keeps you from exploring any of these wonderful ideas? Is it fear that prevents you from moving in some direction? Make a choice. To not not choose, is to choose nothing and surrender. Again, there is no one right path. There are many paths. Take the ones that seem most in alignment with you. You follow your dreams and the other things will come to you as you move along the path.

With encouragement Howard

Mz, what Life has put together let no man put asunder. But when life fails to keep it together let no man make it into a prison. If there is a solution to your situation, it is not outside of you. You are the solution. It sounds like much of the work that you need to do right now is on yourself. If the exes behavior is intolerablel, why do you continue to tolerate it? His way of dealing with you and treating you is his problem. Your willingness to accept it and put up with it is your problem. I don’t intend to sound judging or discouraging. You are the source of the creation of your own life. Universe is like a giant catalog. To get what you want, you have to be careful about what you ask for. Sounds like right now and for some time you have been taking whatever it sends. Why not change your order and get what you want? I think the long and short of it is, to thine own self be true. To be true to anything else is a sign of surrender and abandonment of your own self soul. Please, don’t do that. Fork your benefit and for that of the kids. It sounds like it’s important for you to do some work on exploring, strengthening and extending your personal boundaries. You are the one who gets to decide how you will be treated and what treatment you will not tolerate.

Where the pain and friction in your life is, that is where your soul work needs to be done. Define yourself by the values that you will most dearly. And then please dear start treating yourself like the most beloved child there is.

With encouragement, Howard

Sylvia, I read your post several times. With a background in law enforcement and crisis management, I’ve worked with dozens of battered women. But I don’t like to give advice, so instead I would like to give some observations and ask some questions. Observation one: there are only three places that a relationship can be. In, out, or on hold. I get that you are at minimum on hold and perhaps even already out. Observation two this is a very emotional situation. Absent that emotion there are three things that are evident. First you feel connected because of the past. Second you are in an emotional logjam in the present. Third you’re unable to see a future at this time. What is pretty much guaranteed is that if you continue with things as they are, that will be your future. Question: what is your daughter learning about how men treat women? I noticed that you gave a lot of reasons why you couldn’t leave. But not much about why you should leave. Many of the things that you have been doing to find relief seem more to be tolerating what is intolerable. It would appear that when it’s all drawn down you have two choices. You can tolerate it, or make other plans. Without some outside influence the situation will continue to repeat itself over and over getting more violent as it goes. Listen to the cop here i’ve seen it too many times. You have received some good advice from others. Matt pointed out that battered women shelters are available. Is there a reason you shouldn’t contact them and see what help they can give? Again, taking the emotional part out of your husband’s threats, most of it boils down to fear and not fact. On your own you don’t seem to have the emotional resources to deal with this. You are in a very difficult, but not impossible situation. You will only stay trapped if you are willing to do so. You do have other choices. Sometimes the only way out of this kind of situation you should go through what needs to happen to end it. Are you willing to take the first step for yourself and your daughter? If you are, perhaps a battered women’s shelter could start giving you some information to make your decision and plan in action.
With encouragement, Howard

How do you, self-esteem and self-worth is an inside job. Mom and dad are from then, who’s talking to you now? What’s that voice saying? Is the message true, really true? As you’re looking at it do you find that it’s just someone else’s opinion? And what is their opinion worth at this point in time? Remember you are right here, right now. The voices from the past just that. That past created in you a script that you continue to act out. You are absolutely free to start writing a new script and putting new voices in your head. What kind of messages would you prefer to hear? Are you willing to do what it takes to start becoming the best and highest self you can be? Perhaps it is time to do the work required to get completed with your past. When the voices start speaking there are two big questions you can ask yourself. The first question is “where am I?”The answer is right here, not in the past where the remembrances are. The second question is “what time is it?” The answer is you are right here right now. This is the moment in which you have the opportunity to create what it is you most want.

In many ways it is like life dropped a brick wall on top of you. You have the choice of staying under that wall, or using the bricks to build your own wall The way you want it to be. Yes it can be done. As a spark of the all that is, you have the capacity within you to create what you desire. Start with using the journal to tell your story.

With encouragement, Howard