Thank you Anita for your words of encouragement.
Just dealing with the what ifs and various regrets after a relationship break up. But going through some articles online I realise it is part of the healing process it is totally part of it. We tend to forget the various reason behind the break up and focus on the good part only. We just have to keep reminding our selves why we broke up and how bad we felt in the relationship. Which I am doing always. I am feeling alright today. No pain, no worries. Thank you

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Teddy.

So many things to talk about.
The relationship was all about pleasing her and making her happy. She complains alot about everything.She complains about this i will try and adjust to make her happy only for her to come up with another complain, i will do that one only for her to come up with another one. i was always offending her for things i dont know. i started becoming too sensitive to everything because i dont know if i have done anything wrong or not. I struggled and fought just for to be happy but she was not always satisfied even when i was sometimes stretching myself she was not just satisfied. For example if she me at night and i say i feel tired i need to sleep politely. That will bring up problem. So i wait until she say she wants to sleep even when i am tired i just need to be awake so we dont start another quarrel again. The quarrel are light but it always took the joy out of relationship which affected me alot. May i say this we did not go three straight days without having one of those quarrels. It really affected me alot. I spent all my energy on making her happy so she can be loving and caring but the more i try the more the hurdles get higher. She was only happy and caring only when i do and act in a way she wants. But in few hours or DAY she will go back to hibernation. I know what it means to be loved i never felt. It seems i was just giving and giving i gave myself away.
It is the same reason we always break up ( we have broken up like three times before this last time) But she will always beg i should take her back and so on.
I will tell her always that she is choking up me , that she is not making me happy. But she never asked for once what makes me happy i think i have asked once if she knew what makes me happy, she had no answers. BUt i just kept moving on. But i never felt loved. She says she love me but i dont feel it.
Can you just imagine we have broken up like 6 weeks now and the only thing i so much miss about her is her numerous calls and chat no real impact on my life. After the break up i wonder and search about her behavioural pattern because i am confuse then i got an answer IT IS SELFISHNESS. All our former breaking up have only lasted two days maximum we are back together so we never learnt anything. Now i know the reason for the No contact it gives an oppurtunity to learn and review your actions in the relationship and also know what you want in life.
I know a relationship is full quarrels and misunderstanding and that is what makes it fun.
If she had shown me love and care normally and not always wanting me to make her happy before she shows love and care. Which i rarely saw. I would have stayed.
Here i am sometimes i am happy, sometimes i am sad, sometimes i feel i maltreated, sometimes i feel a sense of regret but i have to be strong for me.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Teddy.