I came out of a seriously abusive relationship almost two years ago.

The best thing you can do is focus on your child. They’re going to need you more than ever if you leave the picture and must come first before the possibility of another relationship.Find stability on your own, build yourself esteem and confidence back. You and your child deserve that.

You must focus on yourself and your child before you find someone else or you won’t be making stable foundations for your child to develop and it may turn into a constant tousling back and forth between uncertainty to uncertainty.

Also, if this guy leaves his current partner for you, what’s to say he won’t do the same later down the line to you? :/

Take a couple of deep breaths and decide based on what is best for your baby, with you supporting them wholehearted, happy and feeling confident.

It takes a massive amount of courage to be a single mother, and a massive amount to leave a potentially abusive relationship, especially if they’ve apologised over and over… You’re doing the right thing by stepping away. No one deserves to be made to feel continuously to blame or to be at the short end of someones fuse, especially if they are a loved one and a ‘life partner’.

I would, right now, forget this other guy as partner material. You have your life to build and he seems to be only hindering and hurting you too by saying things about how he’d like it to work and then going cold when it comes to leaving his partner. Be strong on your own. You need no one else but you and your son or daughter.

When you feel lost, look to your baby. They’ll be your light.

All of my love to you both. x

Hey Tom. I’m sorry to hear about your tough time.

My mother is negative a lot of the time as well. As I’m only 21 and still living with her whilst trying to get myself properly sorted out in life, it can be difficult to constantly receive criticism and negativity about choices you make.

A lot of the time, I would just prefer my mother to ask ‘Why?’ in a curious and caring way. As long as you are mindful in your question you should get an honest response.

By asking why, I feel someone is seeking to understand what I’m trying to do or say. You can then figure out the reasons as to why your friends or family feel it’s the correct course of action or have suggested it. From there, a more balanced and informed opinion can be made and you can remain mindful of your disposition.

What’s fantastic is that you saw and have outwardly expressed what you want to change. Mr Hasselstrøm is very correct, change starts within and it’s a decision everyone has to make about one issue or another.

Focus on being the person YOU want to be and, most importantly, forgive yourself. You sound like you’re still beating yourself up about it.

If you don’t forgive yourself you’re not going to allow yourself the space to grow.

I hope this helps – changing is not always an easy thing.

All the best x

• This reply was modified 11 years ago by Hollie Caddock.