Hey Singer. =)

I agree with Sandy’s advice. You should go for it. Some guys aren’t as confident as they seem on the exterior and this guy might be waiting for you to show some sort of interest in him before he does anything. And I think inviting him to have coffee or a drink and just talk is the perfect thing to do.

Also, you definitely do not need to worry about “living alone for your whole life”, because you seem like you’re actively seeking social connections. Don’t focus on the “what ifs”. Just relax, don’t take yourself too seriously, and I absolutely believe that you will be just fine.

Carl

Hey Kumo,

I can understand in a way what you’re going through. Your post is almost how my life was. I remember being very subconscious about whether or not I fit in, having trouble making actual friends, being sensitive to off-the-cuff statements or remarks. I would watch the people around me to see if I was acting the right way, getting the right response, saying the right thing. Being terrified that someone could find out that I’m anxious or depressed and then leaving me because of it. It’s difficult to not be anxious or depressed when you have all of these fears.

Being bullied is always very difficult to go through. Feelings of social anxiety are very common after unfortunate situations like that. You seem to have a belief that there is something wrong with you, and that’s not true at all. There is nothing wrong with you. These feelings that you are experiencing are normal for any person to have.

Also, it’s okay to ask for help and rely on others. That’s what most people do to understand their problems. I believe that your suggestion to see a professional is a good idea. In the mean time, if you would like to talk to someone, I would be happy to help. Although, I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist myself, I have gone through your exact situation and ended up finding answers to those same questions you ask and becoming comfortable with people and being happy with who I am. So if you would like help finding answers and understanding your situation, feel free to email me at Clajoie94@gmail.com

I don’t want you to feel pressured to email me if you don’t want to. I only want to help you because I know what it’s like to want to solve your depression by yourself because you’re afraid of what your people would think. But the choice is up to you.

Hey Billy

First off, I have to say, you are an absolute inspiration. To have a childhood like that, issues to deal with like the ones you have, to care for the sister you hate, visit the parent who hurt you, and search for a way to have the life you deserve is absolutely incredible. A lot of people, out there, live a life half as difficult as yours and they have given up. Your persistence and confidence to leave your house and support yourself is amazing. People like you, who are willing to go out and get the life you deserve, are a minority in our world. So I just want to say that you are definitely someone I hope to be like, one day.

Now I may sound delusional for saying this, but I think while you and your sister can travel, I believe you have something she doesn’t. The ability to genuinely appreciate those travels. She seems to have most, if not all, things handed to her. When someone lives a life like that, they can never appreciate what they have or can do. You can appreciate it, though. Because you know what it’s like to not have what you want, so when you do travel, if you haven’t already, then it will always be an insurmountably better experience than hers. Even if you go to the same place. Because it doesn’t seem like it’s her actual dream, since it’s announced right after it has now become so easily attainable through her husband’s job.

But you, on the other hand, have been dreaming about this from early on, in your life. When you travel, it won’t be like the experience that an ordinary person would have. It will be extraordinary. The average person would take a picture on their phone and bring up the location during casual conversations. It’s just an ice breaker for them. But for you, every step and breath in that foreign area will become a life long experience. An experience that you didn’t have for your little sister, or your parents, but for you. Because when you lay on your bed, you can say to yourself, that regardless of any mistakes you make or made, at least you accomplished your dream. Something that a lot of people never do in their entire lifetime.

Your dream of traveling the world will always be your dream, regardless of how many times anyone says it is theirs. I might be mistaken, but I feel that you don’t want to travel for the simple pleasure of saying you have, you want to travel because you want to live your life alongside people who appreciate and care for you. That is the life you deserve.
It is a life that has never been out of your grasp because you have fought and struggled for that dream. It’s a dream that always has the potential to be fulfilled and can never be taken from you because it is the dream of such a courageous person, like yourself.

I’m sorry for rambling and I’m not sure if this answered your question, but I hope it helped in someway.

You are not being selfish, nor ungrateful. It’s perfectly acceptable to have these thoughts. You are going through a rough time. Unfortunately that’s comes with being alive.

But what’s great about you, and what I find so amazingly inspiring, is that where others would have let this difficult time thrust them into a state of inactivity, you continue to press on. You are going through this difficult time and you, not only have your mind in the right place by remembering what you have to be thankful for, but you are also consistently trying to resolve the issues within your job. Your dedication is truly remarkable.

I’m not too familiar with finance, so I can’t really offer any direction in that area, but one thing I know for sure is that you have not failed. People fail when they come face-to-face with an obstacle and they just stare at it and say, “well, time to give up”, but you come face-to-face with an obstacle and you think of how to get around it, over it, through it because that’s who you are. You are someone who succeeds because you know what you want. Your desire isn’t some fickle idea floating about. It’s a tangible goal that you know you can accomplish because you are you. Simple as that.

I know you have done this already, but keep on trying to brainstorm on a new solution, a new idea, a new method that could possibly work. Try to learn from other people’s successes and mistakes in order to perfect your bar. And remember that you aren’t alone. You have your co-workers and friends to aid you, and if not that, then you have a loving fiancé to help you. One of the great things about marriage is that it teaches you that you are on a team and to depend on someone other than yourself.

I honestly, genuinely, whole-heartedly believe you can resolve the problem. There are people out there who wouldn’t be able to deal with what you are going through and you are definitely one of the few among us who can overcome this.
What you’re going through is like when one goes through a tunnel. It’s dark for a while, but if you keep walking you will get to the light on the other side. Just keep walking Natalie, and everything will turn out alright.

I would wish you good luck, but you don’t need it.

Nobody should be all alone.

Sarah, I know it can’t ease your pain, but I am sorry for what has happen to you and I’m sorry that you have felt alone for so long. I know what it’s like to feel so alone. To wish for someone, anyone, to talk to you, to text you, to think of you at any point the day, so that you will know that at least the thought of you crossed someone’s mind even if it was just for a second. To walk amongst crowds and still feel like you’re walking alone in the streets. To feel hopeless and worthless. Wondering what has to be wrong with you to not be able to receive a simple hi, even when you’ve done as much as you could possibly do, gave as much as you could possibly give to a friendship or relationship. To be alone staring at your phone, in the hopes it would ring and you could finally be consoled by the sweet melody of someone else’s voice.
I’m know that I’m no one special. I’m just some guy from across the net, but I want to assure you that you don’t have to be alone. Not anymore. Because I would like to be your friend, if you would be so kind as to have me. A person with a heart as big as yours is a rarity in our world and I would be honored to be able to say that I know someone like yourself.