Billie,
I also had an abusive dad and it was older brother who also abused me without interference. And what’s crazy is I also volunteered and then worked at an animal shelter and quit because it was too depressing and exhausting and everyone there was angry all the time. I still have a lot of fear of men, I don’t trust them and I am always on guard.
Thank you for writing in, I connected with a lot of what you wrote and am going through a similar crisis. Good job, good pay, minimal interactions with abusive family, I’ve tried hobby after hobby… I don’t know why I’m not happy and why I feel like life has no meaning.
What do you think about Anitas idea that the abuse is still depressing you even though it isn’t happening anymore? People talk about ‘processing’ the abuse but I don’t know what that really means.
Good luck, I hope things become more clear for the both of us.
Christina