First reaction reading your reply was “ why she bringing up my last relationship? And it was anger

you are absolutely right !

I had a very angry mother who used to hit us a lot anger is something I do not like or want reading it back to me sounds childish and reactive . He has done things to justify me to be angry but I think aswell it’s an abandonment thing as my dad left when I was 4 and didn’t keep in touch

Grateful for bringing that to my attention

I will try to resolve this calmly

much love Anita Thankyou

Hi Anita , I’m not sure where this is leading if I’m honest I moaned at him like most couples , he’d wipe his toothbrush on the face towel that sort of thing , I wasn’t perfect by any means and by the way I saw him a few weeks ago and apologised for any part I played in him Leaving .
He said he didn’t feel loved , and took my behaviour i.e. If I refused sex, as rejection
He went to counselling sessions and told me he’d never got to know himself .
My ex was obsessed my money and told me he wNted his finances back so he could Live his life before he gets too old
He subsequently sent me a spread sheet ( loved his spread sheets) on his last payments before the house is sold, even after I said I love him and let’s just have some space
I feel like he is deleting every memory of me , and is so cold
I just replied ok to the spreadsheet and his follow up was ” your not angry are you ? “I’ve not replied
As you see , with my original question , is this normal for me to feel totally devastated whilst he’s just excited to have adventures ?

Hi Anita
Course I’ll answer the questions
When I said besotted, he was extremely affectionate, he would contact me all the time telling me he loved me , he used to joke he was obsessed with me . Ring all the time etc , he was quite jealous also
2: I’m not sure why I put distructive but it became different , he became more distant which caused lots of arguments
3: I had a low stage last year and suffered really bad anxiety , relating to my daughter leaving home , he found my mood swings due to this hard to deal with . I did seek help but instead of helping me , he started to like me less
in an argument he preferred someone less emotional and ” simple”

Hi
Yes we were married , we were together 5 yrs
Married 2 , I have blocked him now
So I can’t be tempted to look
I do need to write him off , he’s made no attempt to get back with me
He has always come first , he has lost many
Partners because of it
Just really feel lonely and unloved

Thank you , appreciate all your comments. I think also it’s a time issue , Buddhist practices or not I think everyone experiences emotions this break up is fairly recent so I’ll just keep accepting what’s coming up
Btw the sort of man he is , is that he’s changed all his privacy settings on FB so I can see his picture , he’s trying to provoke a reaction .
This was his decision and one I had to make the best of yet he still wants me to know how ” fantastic ” he’s doing
It’s so tiresome . I remember reading a quote from Timber Hawkeye saying its your choice how to react to a situation , well I choose indifference !

Love and light all xxxx

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Cheryl.

Hi Anita
That’s exactly it , only I don’t think he’s moved on as he keeps messaging me out the blue saying he still looks at me and feels sad .
The anger comes from the idea that he can treat people like a new Tv or iPad . He had counselling ( which I sorted for him) and he said it was in his head he could be happier if he left , maybe do better? He was always having to buy something , I’ve never wanted that , I’m just glad I’m alive
I know he is coming from a bad place too , but i want him to realise what he’s lost , I don’t want him to suffer as such .
Writing this I feel so calm and unattached , this is how I want to be but soon as I see a text, my heart pounds like mad and my anger flares up
I believe 100% in acceptance, it’s what helped my anxiety the letting go of control , so thank you for that
Just any tips of letting go of this need to punish him , the need to think he still loves me
Xxx

Oh Cherryblossom, if you only knew the depths of despair I’ve experienced during my lifetime and through this recent event , you’d be surprised
I could hardly function at one point because of my anxiety and depression
It’s just through experiences I grew harder and no he’s still supporting me till I move out ( January)
I’ve even had a text this morning from the states saying let’s not fall out , I’m still thinking of you !
It’s all mind games or he’s off loading his guilt . Perhaps I sound hard but I’ve had to be .
If you love someone you work through issues , he even said once he would like someone ” simple ”
implying I’m too deep !
You can see why I’m angry , I just don’t want to be -as Buddhist sayings say, it’s like pouring the poison and drinking it yourself ha ha