Anita

I know you mean well but I feel your your last sentence is the harshest (truth?) thing that anyone’s ever said to me. Thinking about it in this way has distressed me enormously and because I have to live in a fantasy world most of the time just to get through each day (ie pretending I never made any life-changing bad choices with catastrophic consequences) I think it’s become too dangerous for me to continue discussing here.

Thanks for trying to help me.

Ct

Hey Anita

I hear what you say. We all need to preserve ourselves, I understand how you feel.

I had a dear friend who was supporting me through a difficult time 7 years ago and I was supporting her through her own mess too- I never gave up on her; and I supported another friend through her divorce.
When I needed them again one of them became unavailable (despite me having helped her so much before) and I hate to say I didn’t follow the advice of the second friend as my altered state of brain chemicals was not allowing me to see clearly.

Now I’m living life on another planet- a totally unrecognisable, totally frightening one (it’s the having complete anhedonia caused by citalopram that has made me into the zombie I am today- I’ll never forgive the doctors for covering up the truth about SSRIs- I can’t believe it’s legal; judges in suicide cases have contacted the makers of this drug but they give the usual answer- it’s depression symptoms; and so, they get away with it)

So, to answer your question the zombie that I am today began with mild depression and ended up not knowing how to get through the day because of a prescription drug. Even my mother the other day used my name to me in the third person and said she’s not giving up hope of seeing ‘Cherry’ again – how bad does that make me feel? Not her fault I’m like this though…
Let’s see if we can find out how to start a new thread and then maybe others can help me too…having said this I feel this response of mine probably belongs on a depression forum- not here on a site made for positivity 🙁

Thank you
CT

Hi Anita’s

By ‘ can’t wait’ I mean I’m getting further and further away from my family and more and more lonely and disabled. I can’t leave the house alone (I had a very responsible top job before this happened) and I spend all day alone. Having a wonderful husband and grown up children I never thought I’d be alone ever. This disease has destroyed me and literally everything I held dear. All my children live hours away and I can’t go and see them on my own- the worst nightmare ever.

By ‘silence’I mean that soul destroying thing that means whenever I’m in someone’s company there is small brief conversation then silence; silence during a whole evening, a whole car journey, a whole meal- it’s killing me.

Everyone has helped me who possibly can; thanks for your offer; it’s good to ‘talk’ but maybe we shouldn’t use this place any more to do it? Can we email or something?

Thank you
CT

Hi anita

DOnt worry about your advice- it’s all things pros have told me. I have a hard time accepting because I’m so disturbed; tbh I’m completely disabled by my mental condition and I stay in bed all day- sometimes just to give family peace cos when I try interacting with them I fail most of the time- I’m pretty monosyllabic and feel I’m living in a silent world which is excruciating. Non of my relationships are working- it’s terrifying.

Interesting re walk and mindfulness~ my nurse suggested same but I just couldn’t manage it…

Do you still have depression? I guess you’re making life work somehow…

Thanks again
Cherry

Hey Anita

Thanks for replying. By Pdoc I mean psychiatrist. Yeah, SSRI was what made me this bad- might have got better without it but such a poisonous drug- it has wrecked me.

I gave up on CBT- bad therapist- a sarcastic woman. Find mindfulness hard as I’d have to practice it 24/7. Have been offered everything inc psychologist but have given up driving and can’t go out alone- hard to get there…at wits end basically. Can’t come to terms with treatment resistant depression. Spend all my time in either avoidance (bed), distraction (Internet, tiny exchange of words with other half) or major crying.

Sounds like you have a lot going on too. Do hope your methods are working for you.How do you use this site for mindfulness? No idea how to make that work because as soon as I’m not mindful I’m crying.

Hopeful
Cheerytree

Dear Anita

I’m struggling with depression and anxiety (and more recently agoraphobia) having had professional help for three years- can’t work out where to start a new thread on this! If you can help me with this one please tell me how; I need to find out how to save myself. Wish I’d found this site years ago…

Axel

Despite the fact that you think it’s all resolved I very much fear for you, and your happiness with your wife.
It’s easy to think that the infatuation is dead and buried after 4/5 months but unless you completely and utterly remove yourself from ALL (and I mean ALL) contact with the object of your crush there’s always the chance that it will reignite- please, please, please for the sake of your marriage do completely sever your contact with Liz now, yes now – send that email right now. Tell her no more contact ever, ever, ever; I can’t emphasise enough how important this is.

What you innocently describe as ‘butterflies’ (which we often associate with pleasantries and excitement) is actually anxiety- a physical symptom of a medical condition which can escalate into a debilitating illness and develop into depression, bad experiences with antidepressants and even suicidal ideation and hospitalisation.

The thing about being anxious about situations you know are wrong (but THINK you are controlling)is that it can escalate and take hold of you without you knowing and develop into panic attacks which come and get you from out of the blue; these can completely frighten and floor you and stop you from functioning properly at everyday tasks (never mind work/employment). You can find yourself wondering where these debilitating attacks are coming from as they strike at any time (not just when you’re thoughts are with the object of your crush) but completely unexpectedly when you’re driving, cooking, with other people or at any random time- honestly.They can be so random that at first you won’t even associate them with your feelings for your crush- especially if you think the ‘danger’ is over.
Despite your thinking you are safe now- believe me, you are far from it. Please let your wife read this- and Liz. You are all very much still in danger as long as you’re still in contact with Liz. This sounds harsh but it’s so true: your wife is being very naive- you all are- if you think that you’re all now on safe ground. You could still be in danger of suffering the loss of everyone and everything you care about. Although this seems far-fetched, I’m not exaggerating; this can and has really happened and I want to educate everyone I possibly can on this extremely dangerous, potentially life-changing, life ruining relationship status.
I don’t believe it’s truly possible to get over an infatuation and preserve the friendship (even if you THINK you have)- and by the way, eight months is a minuscule amount of time to think you’ve proved that the title of this thread is possible. Even years and years later, if you hold onto that friendship, it’s ALWAYS possible that, even if you think you’re living in ‘peace’ with your situation that a ‘butterfly’ or real panic attack will affect you out of the blue. Once that happens you can find yourself pretty powerless to prevent yourself spiralling into very ill mental health (check out anxiety and depression on Google and see how frightening it is and how easily it becomes out of your control). Honestly, it staggers me that I have read a thousand posts on this subject and they never mention the dangers of mental illness- it’s a very real possibility for someone starting out on an infatuation.
Please, please have self respect and end it now and forever- completely- before it’s too late and you’ve lost your mental health and everything that was dear to you…

• This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Juliet.