Working my way through a weak moment today… It’s never easy suddenly not having someone in your life at all. And when both parties cease contact in unison… it leaves an empty space. The other two breakups with this man, he checked on me to make sure I was okay. This time, nothing. I know I need to let this run its course… and that I am probably just feeling a little bit out of sorts with my children gone for the weekend… But it doesn’t make me any less stunned. It makes me feel like he was really, totally done trying. And makes me wonder if he is going to try to be friends at a later date at all.

Thank you Chad 🙂 I think I have it all figured out and I’m ready to let this run its course and move on. All of those questions, I realize now, don’t mean a thing. I simply cannot be attached to an emotionally unavailable man. I see now how that has stopped me from being my true self around him, as I simply cannot live with the feeling of being unloved in a relationship. I can’t fix it, I can’t talk to him about it… it’s a thing he must truly discover and defeat on his own. And I hope that he does someday. I’d really like for him to be happy, even if it is not with me. Years from now whether it is meant to be or not is in the hands of fate. All I can do is keep my distance and keep working on me. Even if it may be a little difficult working together and being linked together in so many ways in our daily lives. I refuse to contact him, instead I’m focusing on other things that make me happy. It’s the best I can do, and I think the best solution.

It’s hard letting go of something you thought you wanted. When someone is a fit in so many ways, but the last piece of the puzzle is not there. We finally got to sit down and talk today. I told him that I felt shut out and like something is missing. He agreed. Each of us is looking for one more piece of the puzzle that is not there. Like he put it before the end of our talk… it’s like sitting around a warm campfire at the end of the night. It feels amazing to sit there & if you kick it every so often you get some new fresh flames… But you can only sit there for so long, if there’s no more wood to put on the fire. It was a good talk. There were no tears. We both agreed that we care about each other deeply and need to figure out how we are actually supposed to fit in each others lives… Because this is obviously not how we fit. I’m sad because I’ll miss so many things about him, and after a year and a half together, I’m sad that we never found what we were looking for in each other. I’m pretty sure that feeling is mutual. So now I’m going to be setting out on a new chapter in my life. I know that I am still far too closed off emotionally and I don’t honestly know if I know how to let someone love me. But I’m willing to put the work into myself so one day I can try again.

So I finally communicated and got no answer at all. Guess that says it all. Time to go back to focus all on me.