I lost everything due to a bad decision I made in my 40s (when I was supposed to be cruising along at the prime of my career).  I accept the consequences for my actions and the price that I had to pay.

Here’s what helped me get through losing my job, my wife, and a lot of my friends.

At the beginning, I took the view that things could be worse.  It helped me before I got into counseling.

I got into counseling and group therapy.  Having people to talk to who understood what I was going through was a lifesaver.  I wasn’t alone.  Group therapy helped me see others had similar issues and were taking actions to improve themselves.  It also gave me tools.  Counseling did the same and was more in depth because an hour was focused on me.

I also started attending 12 Step programs.  I wasn’t alone.  Others were going through the same things.  Some were in recovery and were thriving.  I found a sponsor who made me work the steps.  I did a lot of writing.  My sponsor called me out when I wasn’t fully looking at myself.  My counselor did the same.  There were times I didn’t like either of them because it hurt to accept certain things and to start taking actions to change them for the better.

I called people in my group therapy daily in the beginning since isolation is horrible.  It was a requirement for a while.  I didn’t want to do it, but I never felt alone when I was talking with people for several hours a day.

I started going to breakfast with people from group therapy and coffee with the people from the 12 Step groups.  I didn’t feel alone and it was good to get out and around people.

I attended 12 Step groups almost every day in the beginning.  I needed to be around people to not feel alone.

I learned that I had to take the next best action (whatever it was, i.e. looking for work, making calls to people, working the steps).  The feeling (feeling better, less stress, etc.) followed taking the next best action.

Getting out around people who were going through similar problems really helped me.  I never felt isolated and had faith that things would get better having heard other people’s stories of losing it all and working hard to get back into a good place.

Your issue isn’t the same, but the general principals work.  Get involved in some sort of group so that you are around people.  That is the key since we’re social creatures and isolation is hard on ones mental health.  If you have an issue that might be resolved by a 12 Step group, you’ll likely get phone numbers of people who will talk to you about what your facing.  That can be a lifesaver.

Go to counseling, if needed.  Sometimes it was just talking about what was going on.  Other times it was talking about how I felt everyone hated me.  Other times it was my therapist giving me tools to make myself a better person.  It was worth the money I spent (and it was expensive, but well worth it).

Take the next best action and the feeling will follow: Start talking to people.  Say hi to clerks at the grocery store or gas station or wherever you see a person.  Start talking to neighbors.  Say hi to people at the golf club.  There are always a lot of people around.  You’ll find people will start to recognize you when you’re around town and it will brighten your day (and theirs).

Smile, since smiling seems to make me feel better.

Keep a journal and write about your feelings.  It doesn’t have to be any particular format.  I’ve done this and it really helps calm me down.  I’ve written things and have felt immediately better after doing so.

Since doing this, I’ve become friends with my ex.  I’ve found work in places I would have never thought of looking.  I’ve become a happier person.  And, I have new friends (since I lost and disconnected myself from old friends when I got myself into trouble).

I see a bright future.  I’m fairly content even though I’m rebuilding.  I try to think of things I’m grateful every day.

It works for me.  I’m not perfect and sometimes feel alone.  But, reaching out and talking to someone about anything always makes me happy.