You are correct Poopyxo, we dont know if that is true only Bonni_mor knows for sure. Also I don’t disagree with you at all regarding your paragraph to Bonni_mor.

Bonni_mor being more forceful and direct can certainly drive your point home, my point is however sometimes saying nothing at all is more powerful than anything that can be said.

My hope for you is that you are happy in your life now and in the future and to handle this the best way that brings you peace. We can all give advice/opinions, but what is important is how you feel about this when it’s all said and done.

Dear Foofoobunny,

First of all, you are full of purpose, you may not know exactly what it is at the moment, but trust me you have a great and wonderful purpose! Secondly, you are very wise and I’m guessing you don’t even know it, because you have answered a big part of your situation in your original post. Your last 2 paragraphs are key to feeling better. If you recognize the relationship was unhealthy that is a good thing. We all do things to ourselves that are unhealthy, but we don’t want to do it for years. It’s not healthy to sit down and eat a whole cheesecake in one evening, but in the big picture it won’t really hurt you. If you eat a whole cheesecake every night for 5 years…now we’re going to have a health problem. So focus on a healthy you! You say you need to love yourself, be happy, find your own friends and goals….excellent advice to yourself, take it…and yes you can, keep trying!! I am sure you feel lonely, but you are not alone. You do not need his approval, you need YOUR approval, work toward that. I feel sure you are not the “monster” you think you are. I am also quite sure he has wonderful memories of you, about you and with you. Of the significant relationships I have had and lost I am happy and better off for having known them. Each of those women taught me to be a better person. You say “I know it was my fault…” yes you are to blame for SOME of it, but he is not blameless. Accept your responsibility, let him accept his, forgive him of the part he played and forgive yourself for the part you played.

Sad, hurt, angry and jealous is all part of the grieving process, welcome to all grown up human emotions, they suck! You will find peace and acceptance. It may take longer than you want it to, but keep working on friends and goals, loving yourself and you’ll get there.

Again you are wiser than you give yourself credit. Listen to your head, let it try a little logic on your heart and you’ll make progress. BTW…hearts are very stubborn and do not like to listen to logic so make sure your head is patient and consistent in the message. Be good, kind, and gentle with yourself…you have much and great purpose!

Hi Annya,

i think you might be overthinking. How do you know if you hurt him? You say you are awkward (we all are in certain situation) but he may be a bit shy and awkward too. If I were you I wouldn’t worry about it and ask him to go get coffee next time you see him. If you are afraid he’ll bolt too quickly ask him before class…or go all grade school on him and pass him a note that simply says “wanna get coffee? I guess what I’m saying is dont make this more difficult than it is. I have agonized over things far too often and then took a shot at it and all turned out and I wondered why I agonized in the first place. Just ask him, if he says yes great, if he says no then you can forget about and move on…im betting you’ll get yes. GO FOR IT!