Hi BUTB,

Great blog and good on you – I’m inspired.

CB
Australia

Wow Meg, you’ve really helped me understand some of my own stuff in your reply.

I too have walked away from people I want to get close to, but as you say ‘…….. my past anger was directed at the wrong person because it was easier than confronting the real issue/s’.

I’ve recently had an awakening and had to acknowledge something that deeply hurt me from my past is following me like a dark cloud sabotaging my future prospects and happiness. I feel strong and that I have moved on from the pain of 2 yrs ago, but once I am in a position of vulnerability it creeps up and then overwhelming feelings of fear envelope my every thought.

I met someone recently, we clicked instantly and enjoyed each others company. Once I realised I really liked this person the fear of being hurt was more of a burden than taking the plunge, even though the plunge wasn’t even on the table…we were just hanging out! I felt out on a limb and like I was putting a lot of energy out there for this person and getting crumbs in return, but hey crumbs from my perspective, but everyone has their own way of getting close and I momentarily forgot this.

My anxiety got the better of me.

I walked away from someone I reaaalllly liked, because I haven’t dealt with my past and I haven’t moved on, so it is possible to do this but not know what you’re doing in the process. I feel like a well rounded individual so in reflection it’s a rude awakening and it’s quite embarrassing because this person is well aware I still like them. I’m sure he now just thinks I’m whacko haha, a fantastic example of self sabotage.

Anyway Meg good luck with your sister, I too have a tempestuous relationship with mine, we both walk on shells, it’s a shame but no doubt it resonates from childhood hurts (for us it does), the sad thing is neither of us can remember what those hurts are.

We are all perfectly imperfect and accepting each others imperfections is the only way forward.

Big love to all
(my first post as well, so nice to share)