Dear Romeo,
It has been a whole process. This relationship for me was a big challenge and reflection of many things I wanted to change about myself. it served perfectly to see myself in him and acknowledge parts of me that needed healing and changing. So, I guess I dealt with this “NO” feeling by looking at myself. We have been super happy for the past few months, I guess I let myself go and felt I had sorted out many mental and emotional issues I had (independent of him) and had finally got to a point when we were just enjoying life. However, I cant spend my whole life healing and blaming my parents and past patterns for not “being happy” with a person that loves me and is quite amazing but there is something that just doesn’t click. After all this I still have that gut feeling. And always, I tried to quiet it and fix something about myself, become more accepting, more tolerant, etc, and though it has taught me amazing lessons it gets to a point that it is still there.

Now that I feel that we have passed through a “strainer”, I there is also a specific thing about him, a habit that has not changed with time…. and that does not agree with the lifestyle I want to have. So maybe this is my big NO boiled down to something specific, and because I have hurt him because of this as well, we are in the middle of giving in or making a decision. Very difficult and confusing, I guess the only way out is surrendering.

I think as Inky says, we can’t really understand our gut immediately. I think years, months, weeks after making a decision based on our gut feeling we will understand exactly why things had to happen the way it did. Because someone is nice and sweet it doesn’t mean we have to love them and stay there, sometimes we do, but many people end up in unfulfilling and unhappy relationships. You said that you learned a lot, this was the lesson here and as I said you were very brave and honest.

Personally I admire you because I have had a gut feeling in me for about two years that the person I’m with is not for me and I have acted on this feeling, then went back together. I also felt relief every time I broke up. It kept coming back so I understood it as more lessons to come. Now, two years later, I am still feeling this big NO in my gut. It just feels like a NO. Every time during the day and during the relationship it has been there. Sure it can feel less stronger during moments of joy, pleasure and love. But it has never disappeared.

Good luck to all!

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by carolinavu9.