anita: Yes, that may have a part in what’s going on, but it isn’t the whole story. I am genuinely having the desire to live my 20s by being active also – out of logic that each decade is a special time, not necessarily because I’m scared to get old.

orf: YES! Great advice and overall response. Thanks for your input so much.

Dear anita:

I understand what you’re saying. Think of it like, it was totally in the past and a “one time only” sort of thing. I really, really wanted the relationship to work and knew I’d survive and he wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt me in any way. The way I see it is sometimes if we compromise ourselves too much it just won’t work – he didn’t want to compromise himself in that way. It was up to me to say goodbye or not, which I’m so glad you agree – it was my responsibility at that time! Yes, I’m not concerned with his faithfulness now or anything. It’s not even a minute possibility, he’s always been completely honest and trustworthy (almost sometimes too honest, ha!). It’s almost a conditioning though, reliving past hurt over and over from inside and not to do with anything he’s doing today. When I see a handsome man with him, scared and powerless when he happens to look at them … those feelings from the past will come up again. Just want to overcome those feelings NOWADAYS! You know? I’ve found myself in negative thought cycles too, which I’m really working on. I’ll go, “Remember when that happened?!” And I’ll just get swept up in it. AH! 🙂

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by JH.