Hi TeaK,

Can you remember one such situation where your parents wanted to give you a hug, and you refused? Do you remember what exactly happened and why you didn’t feel like being hugged at that particular time?

I think I was just having a rough day, didn’t want to speak to anyone, and did not want to be hugged. That’s usually why I felt that way.

Did you have those emotional outbursts because you were bullied? And then some of your friends thought your reaction to bullying was too much and “toxic”? Or your emotional outbursts were unrelated to bullying?

I think the outbursts were a mix of things. Unrelated to the bullying, but the bullying was the source of my outburst. For example, I was insecure and did not want to take pictures with friends, or want to be filmed, because the bullying contributed to my insecurity. When my friends would do that without realizing it, I would react and be upset, that they posted a video or picture of me without my knowledge. It was things like that.

Hi Anita,

To answer your questions:

1) Sometimes, but not a lot anymore. I try my best to feel grounded and in tune with my body and emotions. Sometimes when I am having really bad anxiety or a bad day, I notice I feel detached from reality for a bit. This used to happen a lot back in high school, I would become detached from my body, thoughts, and emotions. Since then I’ve learned that this is because of my anxiety. This happens when I’m in public or at home but mostly when I’m in public surrounded by many people. I noticed that I went through a period where I stop experiencing this (over the summer), then when I went back to school, it happened again. I felt this way just yesterday.

2) Sometimes. I feel like I am myself in my body, but sometimes I get moments where I feel like I’m just observing my life. It’s a bit scary.

3) Not really. I feel in control of my body and actions most of the time, but sometimes I feel like my thoughts are just random noises. But I believe I always feel control of my actions and thoughts.

4) Yes. This happens sometimes. It’s been happening recently because I haven’t been having the greatest days. This used to happen daily when I was in high school. Somedays, life seems so vivid, real, and alive. But somedays, it doesn’t.

I just wanted to add something I remembered.

I took a Clifton Strengths test, and the first strength was individualization. I resonated with all the other strengths so deeply, it felt like I was finally being acknowledged and appreciated. I never even considered the strengths I got to be considered strengths! I thought they were just qualities everyone has.

“Individualization theme leads you to be intrigued by the unique qualities of each person.”

I think this is why I am always so curious to learn about people and peek into their life. I can appreciate every individual and realize that everyone is unique and have their own beauty. But it’s so hard to do that for myself sometimes. I don’t feel special, unique, or appreciated.

I’ve been taught that my traits are actually weaknesses, and whenever I see someone that is somewhat like me, being strong and confident, I get so inspired and I look up to them.

I was always told that being sensitive, emotional, and thinking about the deeper meaning of things was a bad thing. So I always felt out of place because that is exactly like me.

I am so sensitive to little things, I constantly get lost in the beauty of the world. I find beauty in everything, especially little things. I have such a deep appreciation for little things that most people don’t really think about. I enjoy thinking about these things, it makes me so happy. I enjoy being emotional too, when I get happy I feel like I am the sun. When I get sad, I allow myself to feel and make art to express myself. I’ve always been doing that. Some people may call me an overthinker, but I don’t consider myself to be an overthinker, I think deeply about little things, and it does not harm me it just brings me joy. Also, this is unrelated to my anxiety because I know anxiety makes me overthink but I was not talking about that.

I also feel like everything falls into place and everything is connected and I love thinking about that!

I hope this made sense.

Hi TeaK,

Thank you for checking up on me. Also thank you for the suggestion, I’m watching right now and I appreciate it so much.

I’m not doing that well. It’s been difficult to deal with my anxiety at school, it holds me back from my studies and making friends. So I’ve been feeling a bit lonely recently.

There is something that bothers me almost every day. I’m not sure what it is, so I’m wondering if you know.

I feel I care a lot about other people, more than I actually should. Now I’m not just talking about caring about what they think of me, which stems from my anxiety, but I care about them and want to connect with them. I feel this way with almost everyone I see, every single stranger I wonder how they are and spend so much time thinking about their life. Basically, I empathize with everyone super easily.

I think this might stem from the fact that I crave a deep emotional connection with people. And also because I so badly want to feel fully understood and loved unconditionally. I’m not saying I am not understood and loved, I am! It’s just that I crave a super deep connection with people in hopes of being understood by them and also understanding them. I think this is because of my lack of self-worth and self-love. I know that no matter how hard I look, I’ll never find someone that fully understands me. Because it’s impossible to understand someone completely! I think I’m looking for this connection with myself.

It’s really hard dealing with these thoughts because not a day goes by where I’m excessively empathizing with random strangers, without even saying a word to them. I just wonder how their life is, how they’re feeling, just based on actions. I get so caught up that I forget to take care of myself and think for myself! It’s almost like I get so immersed into their lives, I feel myself becoming them. This also happens unconsciously, I don’t mean to daydream and think about it, but I slip into one anyway.

I’m not sure what this is and where it comes from exactly. I’ve tried looking it up and seeing if other people feel this same way. When I notice myself getting lost in someone’s life, I try to ground myself and think for myself. But it feels weird doing that, (maybe because I’m not used to it), or because I’m afraid to be alone. I’m not sure. I don’t mind being alone and by myself with my thoughts, I just want to feel appreciated and understood while I am alone. Similar to how my ex appreciated me. Sorry if this is confusing, I don’t know how to exactly explain it. Some nights I feel so much joy in my heart that I am basking in unconditional love and acceptance. This happens at night, when I am by myself, sometimes after meditating. I feel so much gratitude in my heart and everything makes sense. But lately, nothing has been making sense. Especially during the day, because I have to go outside and it’s frightening. So these thoughts all mix up and bother me every day.

I’ve been trying to look for some resources and someone to talk to. It’s been so hard, I can’t afford a therapist and I’m looking for a counsellor that I can speak to that can empathize with me and just support me. Honestly, all I’m looking for is a strong support system. It’s been difficult so that’s why I’ve been feeling a bit lonely. To add on, I feel like some people in this world get so caught up with themselves and their lives that they forget how to empathize and be compassionate towards others. Some of my past counsellors were like this, as well as teachers, and it was disheartening for me because I realized the world is a cruel place sometimes.

It’s hard feeling safe in public, I feel afraid and alone. It’s scary. This does not make me feel normal 🙁 because I feel like I’m the only anxious person in my entire classroom.

I just need someone to empathize with me and understand me. It’s really scary doing that by yourself, I feel afraid talking to myself because I don’t know if those thoughts are mine or not.

Sorry if this was messy, this was just a thought dump because this has been on my mind for ages. It’s hard to put these into words. Again, thank you for checking up on me. I had not responded because I was very busy with classes.

Hi Anita,

Please explain to me what you are not understanding? Would it help if I rephrased what I wrote? I understand its confusing and it is for me too but I wrote what made sense to me.

Hi TeaK,

I don’t believe that is the reason for my feelings. I have friends that understand my psychological problems, way before I met my ex. I’m referring to “the part of me” that is my personality that my ex understood and reciprocated his energy with me.

Hi Anita,

I spent a lot of time thinking about my situation after I made the post a month ago. I’ve come to this conclusion.

At the time I met my ex and we were friends, I noticed that he was genuinely trying to improve his life. At first, he had low amounts of empathy and would manipulate teachers or students for small gains, or humiliate people for his own entertainment, but after a while, I noticed he was trying to be kinder to people and learning to be more empathetic. He genuinely had a heart that cared. I know this because when we were still in the beginning stage of our friendship, he cared so much about me and would check up on me regularly. Even if he didn’t know how to empathize fully, his actions were showing that he cared.

So up until the middle of our relationship, he was treating me very nicely. There were definitely some incidents where he would have no remorse, show little care for me, someone, or a situation, it really bothered me but I would talk to him about it in hopes he would understand. The reason I stayed even after seeing him act very rude sometimes, was because I could tell he was genuinely trying to be better. I would notice improvements and every time I told him that I needed some extra love & care, he would try his best to give it to me.

In December 2019, we were both going through a difficult time in our lives. We were both struggling with our mental health, I was struggling with my anxiety + depression, while he was struggling with undiagnosed hallucinations, epilepsy, depression, etc.

After thinking about what had happened during December 2019 – April 2020, I realized that we were in horrible mental states and we were struggling to survive each day let alone give each other love and support in the relationship. I was expecting to receive love & empathy when I was going through a tough time, and my ex basically overworked himself and was burnt out from trying to take care of himself + take care of me. This led to us having arguments and it became very toxic. He had reached his limit and was expressing himself through anger and short temper, while I was expressing myself through sadness and frustration.

When we reunited in February 2021, he was still going through a rough time. I remember him telling me about his emotions and what he was going through. We were communicating nicely until around April, he started getting frustrated with me because I would tell him that he is acting very rude and he reached a point where he stopped caring about how he was acting because he was dealing with a lot of mental stress. So he had priorities, obviously, if you’re having a lot of mental stress, you start acting rudely towards people.

I hope that makes more sense.