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Canadian EagleParticipant
Juanita
Thinking about what it is like to be a man, I have focused on weak men, who donât show respect and are not capable of true love.
Letâs me know if I am on the right track in attempting to understand your husband.All men have one or two of these traits, but weak men attempt to have most of them: Givers, Caretaker, Seek approval from others (especially from women), Conflict-avoidant, Seek the right way to do things, Try to be perfect and avoid mistakes (so people donât think theyâre bad), Repress their feelings, Want to be different from their fathers, Theyâre more comfortable being with women, They exert tremendous effort to make their partners happy, but fail miserably. Weak men constantly give because they think thatâs what makes them good ( impress their mothers) they tend to put others first, they put everyoneâs needs ahead of their own, becoming utterly miserable along the way.
Weak men are afraid of conflict, so this may be why your husband ignores you when you ask for something or raise a topic he does not like . Since your husbands avoids conflicts, nothing ever gets solved with him. He might disagree with you, but he doesnât say it or he might even pretend to agree, just to avoid conflict and arguments. He is passive aggressive.
When he disagrees, he still tells you what he thinks you want to hear. But, then he reverses his words and decisions to please someone else.Even thou he thinks he is a saint , the is actually the opposite ,he lies telling people what they want to hear, hides his true intention, uses indirect ways and manipulation to get what he needs-wants, he can  be very controlling. Ultimately he only gives  to get which will brew resentment and anger
He needs to grow a pair and be a real man, he must have total acceptance of who he really is, he must like himself,  he must take care of his needs,  he must be comfortable with his sexuality, he must value integrity, he must speaks up, he must set clear boundaries and is not afraid of enforcing them, he embraces and his Accepts his flaws.
These are questions for your husband :
- Does he know how please yourself first?
- Does he enjoy sex with you ( it has he other out letâs , ie porn)?
- Is he honest about his fears ?
- Does he Eat well ?
- Does he play sport ?
- Does he spend quality time with men ?
Intimate relationships require people to look within themselves and open up about who they really are. If your husband is always wearing a mask and always hiding his true self, it is a downward spiral. Male boundaries are crucial for good emotional health and a positive social life. If has no boundaries then he is pissed when you try to set them for him, becoming a mother and child relationship and not a partnership of
From chatting with guys, generally weak men are ashamed and uncomfortable with their sexuality. Ultimately, intimacy  it not enjoyable for weak men and often not enjoyable for the woman either.
He needs to become confident , competitive and putting him self first, including his own pleasure. Only then can he truly love you.
This a bit of a brain dump, but it is food for deeper discussion … if I am off the mark, I apologise.
Tony
Canadian EagleParticipantJuanita
I have read your question and will consider my response carefully before giving a full response.
Reading your words , it reminded me of the old realtionship book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, we live on differnent planets. Also, men can lose these identify and mascalinity in a long marraige, men need some space to be men, real men respect their woman …I know this sounds sexist. In summary, your husband needs space and you derserve to be loved and respected, this is not an oxymoron, these needs can live in harmony , the key is honest communication and understanding.
Let me mull over your words, let them stew a while and I will come back with a full response.
Kind Regards
Tony
Canadian EagleParticipantSuch a nice memory , with our digital world few now create scrap books .
It is possible with a radiation Sun burst all digital data is wiped , in a odd way the 21st century may not leave a legacy for future generations to explore and marvel at.July 2, 2020 at 9:23 am in reply to: Can’t let go of someone I barely know from 13 years ago #360257Canadian EagleParticipantPossibly the real problem is you are expecting another person to complete you …… we all make this mistake
Canadian EagleParticipantSpeaking as a man, as I canât begin to understand the joy and trauma of pregnancy , so forgive me for having an opinion on this . Having siblings gives your child a family …. only children have no nieces or nephews , no one to reminisce about childhood with , also they can carry the burden of care as parents age …… if it is safe from a health perspective I would recommend to have another .
Canadian EagleParticipantHarli
It sound like he is putting obstacles between you , distant , pain etc .
Did you attempt to break it off and see how he responds …. set him free and see if he returns .
This way you will know for sure if he is interested , my guess is he is not based on his behaviour .
You deserve better , put you focus and energy in meeting someone who is local , that you can have proper dates with , some that will fall in love with you. Some one who will meet you in the middle
Tony
June 25, 2020 at 3:54 am in reply to: Second thoughts about leaving a practice to start my own #359489Canadian EagleParticipantGood , I am a partner in a practice I stated 30 years ago , best professional decision I ever made. One the practice is successful with critical mass your time will free up….. the holy grail is income , passive income that comes in with no effort …
your decision was scary and brave , I am glad it is beginning to settle for you. Consider expansion so in time it will survive without as you enjoy the fruit of your effort
Canadian EagleParticipantDear Laelithia
Nice that there is more than one Canadian here . I see you processing your feelings with amazing support from Anita, an angle.We all have the propensity to over think events , it is good to regularly remind ourselves that our minds are not a source of truth, the mind tricks you.
Relax , enjoy each day and let events unfold
Tony
Canadian EagleParticipantLaelithia
This man filled a need but did not complete you , if he did you would be with him now . So, you left him for a good reason but you miss the part of you that he fulfilled .Based on my experience someone who touches you deeply but not completely will always be there in your heart , even in 30 years .
You appear to be a kind , articulate and genuine woman , so you will meet a good man …..but always remember that life is compromise and acceptance , this is what true love expects .
Be careful not to idolise the one that got away as in time he may become to symbolise perfection in your mind , this is your nostalgic mind playing tricks .
I wish you health , happiness and joy , and I know you will meet a good man and be happy .
Tony
Canadian EagleParticipantAnnie
Run, he is a player . Why was he still single on the dating app after two years of looking for love, and then falls in love with you in less then a week  but loses interest after you had sex .
A classic (but not classy ) player …..
You deserve better
Tony
Canadian EagleParticipantDear Neverdyed
Read my post , 0ver 35 years I had a complicated love but not a relationship with a woman who wanted a relationship with me . I played along as it was flattering to my ego, but in time I Â unceremoniously cut her off when I decided to marry someone else. In other words, this guy will never commit to you, as he has not done so this far. He is committed ( or will commit) to someone else and you will be cut off and hurt. If I was you I would be proactive , cut him off and find someone worthy of the great love you are obviously capable of.
Tony
Canadian EagleParticipantCorrect , we all have limited energy , share it mostly with people who enrich us, not drain us
Canadian EagleParticipantJuanita
Doing a Marie Kondo on your thoughts and emotion is wise. We all have limited ability to focus so we must choose carefully what we focus on, not wasting our life energy on stuff we canât influence. Â I know the previous generation were loath to use the word âloveâ and to hug. I grow up in such a home but love was implicit . It is most likely your mother is damaged ( as we all are in some way) and is not capable of showing you love, though it is likely deep down she does love you. As Anita says , accepting the truth is freedom.It Is not clear if you have children , but being friends with your estranged husband is good because of the shared history.
Have you read Eckhart Tolleâs âThe Power of Nowâ , it is so liberating as it explains how the mind always seeks our attention , preventing us from enjoying the current moment in all its beauty and simplicity .
Tony
June 5, 2020 at 4:05 pm in reply to: Can’t let go of someone I barely know from 13 years ago #357675Canadian EagleParticipantWe are look to our partners to complete us , and when they donât we feel let down . The only person who can complete you is yourself .
The first taste of love is so powerful that it a standard all  measure our Partners against ( whether is was a good experience or not).
So your feeling are normal and healthy. Donât surprises them , rather celebrate the beautiful memory of this teenage crush . Often a letter to your 13 year old self is a good exercise .
You and your partner live in the now , where all beauty and human frailty is revealed . Love your partner for the wonderful person he is , flaws and all.
It sound like you have a very special relationship , I wish you joy and health .
June 5, 2020 at 4:04 pm in reply to: Should I Stay for the kids and accept what it is and was #357670Canadian EagleParticipantYou have 3 options ..
(1) leave you husband and rebuild your life . You children are smart and know all is not perfect and will understand .
(2) work with your husband to repair the marriage . This is hard work , but you are both damaged people ( as we are all) , so good communication and honesty may lead to a place where you both work hard for to say the marriage .
(3) Accept your husband for who he is , donât try and change him. Be the calm observer of you marriage . Let him be , accept and love him for who he is flaws and all. This allows you to accept the current moment as if you had chosen it .
The important point is you must accept one of these paths and pursue it with energy and focus . Jumping from one to the other puts you and all around you into an ever ending spiral .
Always remember that all marriages are similar , the are daily struggles and joys . The tricks is which of the 3 paths you chose .
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