Hey Diletta,

Yes, changing certain behavior can be challenging. I agree, I should try one step a at time.. everything is already too overwhelming.

Thank you for your kind words and advice!

Michelle,

Thank you. 

I admit I have difficulty on giving myself any credit.

I’m glad I decided to post here, I actually had never heard of this blog before. I want to take the time to read other posts and even help any one I can in the forums. I haven’t had much time this week, but hopefully I’m able to explore more over the weekend.

It’s funny you mentioned the email. I actually sent him an email last night talking about our relationship and thanking him for what he’s done for us so far.

I would really like to sent him letter but unfortunately he can’t receive mail there.

I’m afraid I can’t help with the refunds as everything is under his name. He’s having a hard time with it but he is working with his command to get government documents to prove there was a good cause for cancelling the trip.

Exactly. The English test will help me a lot in the future so I will take the time to focus on that.

I think in a month or so we will find out his next post, then I will be able to do some research on the location, possible jobs, etc.

Anita,

I’ve realized I spent a lot of time complaining this week and none of these complaints are going to change the facts, so I am working on that at the moment. 

So one of my main goals is to give him less stress than he already has.

It won’t make me feel better and it will only make him feel worse.

My only fear is to lose him, so you are totally right about that.

I would like to thank you all one more time.

I am most of the time aware of all these things but when it comes to actually doing them,  I get stuck.

I’ve realized that writing these posts, reading them to myself helps better than just “thinking about it”, and receiving advice from different perspectives (especially from people I don’t know) has helped me a lot.

Tomorrow (Saturday for me) is my birthday and I have been really depressed that he won’t be here to celebrate with me, nor next week as he was supposed to. 

Instead of feeling miserable, I plan to do one of my favorite things: watch a good TV show and eat some good food. 

As an introvert, I quite like to spend time alone. But I also have planned to go out with some of my colleagues which I hope will be a good time.

I’ll let you know how are things are going soon.. I hope you guys have a good weekend!

Camila

Michelle / Anita,

You are right, I am very attached to him emotionally.

I have never had much support from my family and had been struggling and had built walls for years (since I left home at 17).  So he’s been the only person able to break these walls, and now I feel like my emotions overflow.

I should take this time to practice being okay, I agree.

I seem to keep failing though.

I have 2 jobs and I work 6 days a week. I don’t have so much free time.

My plan was to study for TOEFL on the free time I have, but I always end up not doing anything because I’m depressed. 

I feel like I am doing that, I’m wasting all the time we have to talk, complaining and trying to make myself feel better.

That seems so selfish of me… I always get caught up in the moment and sometimes I get even more stressed because his internet connection is so bad that we can’t video call or even call sometimes.

The reason I don’t go there is that he is on MSG program of the military. 

Basically his job is his priority at all times during this contract. I wouldn’t be able to stay or spend much time with him and he wouldn’t be able to stay in a different place with me either, especially being in a more dangerous country. 

I’m going to try my best to follow your advice otherwise I will only make things worse.

I hope I can try and focus more on studying for the English test I want to take.

He is working on getting the refunds for those things, I really hope he does so it doesn’t ruin our vacation when we actually get one.

Things I cannot change:

– His leave getting cancel is out of our control

– it might take a few months more to see each other

Things I can change:

– my perspective on these situations

– remember how lucky I am to have him dealing with all my depression and worries and never giving up on us

– be more considerate of his feelings and not only focus on mine

Do you have any other items to my list or how I tips on how I can actually achieve them?

Thank you again, it means a lot.

Camila