Better keep it a secret. Because bad people can wish bad on you. You shouldn’t tell them too much good stuff because they don’t wish good on you, they wish bad

Dear Anita,

no – because they are just bad people.  no one can change that.  they dont really do that much bad to me.  they do a lot of bad to my mom and dad.. especially my mom – becuase her family in america – her brothers and sisters are so bad to her.

dear anita,

yes – it is good to be nice.

but ill tell you when we went to india to thse grandparents house, i have some cousins there – my dads brothers kids. one time my mom and i tricked one of my cousins . hes my age i think like 7 or so…and he is always mean to me and teases me. so my mom said okay trick him and tell him we have candy – so i did. and when he came my mom yelled at him and said he shouldnt dare tease me again.  she was happy that she told him that so he doesnt bother me anymore

Dear Anita,

yes I am nice to them.  i talk to my grandma about stuff.  but my mom said dont tell her too much info about our life. so id ont.  sometimes they play games with me.  i guess theyre nice.

my moms mom, that grandma is my favorite – she is so nice.  its sad because she doesnt have a good life.  she lives in india -and she doesnt like america too much so she doesnt visti often.  but i visited her in india a lot and i have so much fun there

Dear Anita,

answer: no Anita, I don’t think about this much — one time I got a bad grade in Science and I did feel bad, and I cried, but my mom said its okay I just have to study more.

I want to add this, in present state.  Talking about this – I want to explain one thing.  As this child, who was forgetful in this scenario – I NEVER recall feeling bad about it.  I recall being a kid that was in my own world and wasn’t so hypervigilant or aware or aiming to please.  I don’t recall ever feeling: oh my I need to worry and try to remember more.  In fact, I think if anything I was slightly aloof/unaware/floaty in the head – floating through life not so sensitive to my surroundings — OPPOSITE to the person I grew into..

I recall being someone who just did.  In fact, I recall being much less of an ambitious child, smart child or go getter.  Just a normal kid who did whatever. Not what you would expect from my story, or if you know me now.  Not at all the “tiger parenting” and resultant over achiever child.

stark contrast from now.

dear Anita,

my mom and dad always tell me i am so forgetful and absent minded.  they always say where is your mind? because i forget things a lot

Dear Anita,

 we have to feel that we are good people before we feel that we deserve to feel happy

I am starting to slowly learn what you mean by this.  I used think, well why wouldn’t I think I am good? Its my mom that was bad.

But I understand – with the exercise especially with young Cali Chica that there are many false beliefs that I have that I am not good enough, or perhaps, not good.  I look forward to exploring that more.  If you are up for it, lets continue the exercise today – I am in a nice calm state where it would be good/beneficial.

Young CC never got her mother’s permission to be happy. Fast forward, Cali Chica still doesn’t have that permission.

She understands she can’t get it, that it was all in vain, but she doesn’t know how to be happy without that permission.

She needs to see that young girl as the good, loving girl that she was, take that flower from her hands and tell her: you are a good, loving little girl. It is okay for a good, loving little girl to be happy. You have my permission. Go enjoy those other flowers over there. You need this permission so to make a bigger and bigger space in between the … contributions of that pecking voice, a space of peace, of knowing you were all along that good, loving girl. This space will increase over time and the pecking voices will be moved to the side, become marginal, less loud, less frequent.

Okay Anita, I pasted this here again to let it sink in.  I will read it a few more times – before I respond