Thanks Anita for reading my replies and I apologise for not giving much details. I broke him up for the second time because he looked at other girl’s random nude. At first I wasnt that angry but more like dissappointed, I told him how I felt when he do that because I feels like I’m not enough for him. So I asked him to promise me not to look at other girls again. He didnt reply me afterwards but I saw him online in game. I waited and waited and he still not giving me answer so I asked him again if he can promise me. then he snapped at me asking what was wrong with me, I was already hurt that time and told him what I need was just a yes or no answer but he didnt directly answer me. Then we fought but after a while he said he doesnt want to talk about it anymore and stopped replying me. Meanwhile I was already on raged and kept on saying mean things like “dont talk to those sl*ts(sorry for my language). he just seen my msg but didnt say anything and that raged me more to the point i blocked him everywhere on social media.

After a day, I cooled down and deeply regret what I did. I unblocked and texted him that i was really sorry and told him if he can give me another chance(as i expected he didnt reply). We went no contact for few days and messaged him in game, asked how was he.. no reply. I asked again if we can talk, he said he dont want to talk now so I stopped msg him afterwards. I didnt bother him for a week again but I really miss him so much, I couldnt let him out from my mind even when Im working and I cried everyday. Until that one night I messaged him again(a week after I last chat him), I told him that I really miss him and I was confuse at what to do, I dont want to leave him but I dont know if he still wants me or not. I promised him if he doesnt want to be with me anymore, I will leave him be and wont bother him again. In this case I just wanted a reason to move on. He replied saying that he’s tired and want to talk another day.

I was happy abit because he replied me rather than ignoring, so the next morning I tried to chat with him like we usually did and since that we’ve been chatting until now. we didnt say anything about the break up as i dont want to talk about it for now especially when we just got back together. eventhough we’re chatting as usual but it feels so different. i did asked him if we can call but he keeps on giving me excuses, I didnt force him btw. He didnt chat me good morning nor even a good night but we chatted as usual like friends. This up my anxiety so bad, I’m really afraid that he’s tired of me and stopped loving me. I know I cannot rush things but as this anxiety attacks, I dont even have anyone to talk about this feelings. even my sis seems tired with me whenever i brought up about what i felt. i dont want to bother my friends too so i had to keep this in myself. It’s been 3 days since we got back together but we only chat at night and this made me feels rejected so bad. I’m very well aware I brought this on my own and this is like a punishment to me.

i want to prove that i can change but with him making his distance, i couldnt do much. sadly this is ldr, if i were there, i would have gone to his house to meet him. i feel so miserable whenever i think about how limited i am with him.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by bwakebulleo.