Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been there. Unfortunately more than once. I have finally realized that I needed and still do to a certain extent “love” and “attention” from a man to validate that I am lovable and that I am worthy. When I was not receiving the “attention” from a man, any man, I felt as though something is wrong with me and that I am less of a person. We all need love and we all need to be wanted. This cycle was driving me insane so I decided to stop one day and ask myself why am I like this? I realized that I have abandonment issues stemming out of circumstances that occurred when I was a child and every time I was alone those feeling of being alone, neglected and rejected came flooding back. I’m now working on resolving those issues and learning to like myself and to truly be one day be able to say I like myself and that I’m ok. I’m not there yet, far from, but I’m trying…some days are good and some days are bad…very bad…but I’m working on it.

In your case, being in contact with your ex is not good. Not good at all. How can you move on when he is still trying to remain…what? You are not the fall back girl. You are better than that! I know you still love him and you want him back. But do you really? The ongoing communication with your ex is making it impossible for your to let go and grieve over the relationship that “died” a long time ago. I know you know this. I know you also know that you should stop communicating with him. But the hard part is taking the step to end the communication. Only you can do that. Change your number! Just do it! I did it once and I was sobbing at the phone company when I went in to change my number. The sales lady didn’t know what to do! But I did it because I had to…I just didn’t know what else to do but I knew I had to stop communicating with my ex. I had no plans after that…I had no energy nor the strength to think what was going to happen to me or to the situation after changing my number. But on my drive home I felt a small…very small…sense of relief that I no longer had to worry if he would call or whether there was a message from my ex. I was upset and relieved at the same time. All my emotions were out of control. But I realized that I was taking back control of myself and my life. I am not going to tell you that it will be easy, it will be hard…very hard. But it’s a BIG step. Go with a girlfriend, have someone with you.

You can then begin to mourn the end of your relationship and heal. But you, like me, will still have to deal with the issue of why “I need a man to make me feel whole.” That has nothing to do with your ex, that is all you…all me…

I’m going through some rough times right now as I write this…that is what brought me to this amazing site. Good luck and hang in there, you are going to be ok.