I think perhaps you have just not met the right person yet.

To me a relationship is hard work, but it’s hard work you enjoy. So as an example, if you like gardening, that’s hard work but you enjoy it and it’s worth it.

If you get to the stage where you are feeling ‘Oh no this is horrible work I don’t want to do’ then to me that’s not quite what you are looking for.

Hi Jane,

I’m sorry to hear that you are having some troubles.

In my opinion, it depends on what you mean by ‘checking out’. This is a broad term and can cover a lot of behaviours, some of which seem reasonable to me and others which are not.

Personally I feel that if your boyfriend is just looking at other women, just looking, that this is normal behaviour and it’s not reasonable to expect him to stop. It’s a biological impulse after all. I feel that asking him to stop this would be like asking him to not feel hungry when he sees tasty food.

I worry about your statement

“but something inside me, a powerful, beautiful, creative woman that wants the best, and only the best, keeps telling me that even if it is what the NORM does, it is not something I want to accept.”

because I think you could end up lonely if you stick to this. I’ve never met a heterosexual man who didn’t look at other women.

To my mind, when my husband looks at other women, it’s nothing to do with me. He’s just appreciating an attractive women. It doesn’t take away from his feelings for me, it doesn’t insult me or make me lesser. It’s just something he does.

Of course, it depends how far your boyfriends behaviour goes. Is he flirting with other women?

Hello Sajal,

Thank you for replying.

I can only speak about what I have learned from my own tradition, which is Tibetan Buddhism. I was taught that it is possible to achieve liberation even in the life of a householder. So I don’t think that a person has to let go of the things of this world in order to achieve liberation.

However everyone’s path is different.

I feel under-qualified to give you any advice in this area. What you are seeking is pretty much the essence of spirituality, and I am no guru!

Do you meditate?

Hello Sajal,

I’m sorry to hear that you are troubled.

Life in the city can be very hard. Things move so fast and it can feel very impersonal.

Do you have a spiritual adviser? Someone you can talk to in person about this issue?

Unfortunately I am not familiar with the term Maya or Moksha so I don’t understand what you are saying there.

I wish I could help you more.

I wish you peace.

Hello Kaycey,

I’m sorry to hear that you are suffering.

I’m not sure that I understand what you are saying however. It seems to me that you are saying you were born a white person (male or female?) but that you identify as an Asian male? Or am I completely wrong? Perhaps I have misunderstood.

What is holding you back at the moment from moving from where you currently live?

Hello Seeker,

I’m always a bit cautious about the concept of deserving things. We are flawed human beings and I think if you wait for a time when you are ‘good enough’ in your own eyes to deserve nice things then you will be waiting a long time!

It seems like your relationship with your ex was not healthy for either of you so what you decided to do was for the best.

I wish you happiness.

Hello Roxanne,

Unfortunately life rarely works out that neatly.

The fact he is in a relationship and you are not is not a reflection on you. It doesn’t mean you are ‘not good enough’.

You are good enough.

Do you think you are really ready to be in another relationship when you still have such complicated feelings towards your Ex?

Hello Amal,

I’m sorry to hear about all the troubles in your life. I hope you have been able to turn things around and that you are in a better place now.

I guess Amal you will never know unless you contact her. I presume that you must have someway to get in touch, Facebook or whatever? So what is stopping you from saying ‘Hello’.

I think it is important to remember two things. Firstly that you are all very very young and at your age people grow and change very rapidly.

I also think it is important not to romanticise the past.. Many times I have seen people form an idealised vision of someone they are out of contact with, because in fantasy they can become everything that person wants or needs.

So if you do contact her try to keep your expectations realistic.

I’m not sure there is any thing you can do or say that will help – other then being your authentic self. Be honest and open with her.

I wish you all the best Amal.