you are so brave! If you can just know your a spiritual warrior and there are many out there living with this too: ) I also know those thoughts can be so terrible! After my husband and I married I had horrid thoughts that I would stab him.I would burst into tears cause i loved him why would i have these thoughts? I was afraid to hold a knife. I know it sounds awful to someone who doesn’t have intrusive ocd thoughts. But the key is know they are only thoughts. They wont happen. I have found that my ocd is always there but I can call it know for what it is. I also will use humor. When a sick image comes up no mater how awful, perverted dark and distorted i just look at it and even try to make a comedy out of it. Wow my ocd is really creative today. It sort of takes that fear away. But it takes practice.
Not sure if you have seen the secret? I really liked that movie.
also meditation. If you can find someone to teach you? or a local place to learn?
ekart tolle the power of Now also a great read: )

Hi,
I was diagnosed with OCD and intrusive thinking by a psychologist. Its actually PURE O. It sounds very similar to what you are describing. I was 24 when I got my first anxiety attack. Then from there my thoughts became dark and intrusive. They were the worst thoughts as if my mind was playing out horror movies at the most inappropriate times. It would show me things that were as if i was possessed by some dark energy. Same thing you mentioned, thoughts of hurting people I loved or very scary thoughts of bad things happening to my loved ones.I was terrified.I thought I was insane. I quit my job which I really enjoyed and started noticing I could not leave my house as easy as before for fear I would pass out while driving or faint at work.
It took me three months to get help. I was told I should be medicated, but I refused. I felt like there was a deep spiritual shift happening in me. I had gotten married about three months prior to my first anxiety attack. Little did i know I was facing my biggest fear in life. I wanted more then anything to feel like i could be loved and that I would not be abandoned. Unfortunately on a very deep level I had some very deep abandonment issues from my father that completely surfaced and triggered OCD. I have worked on this now for almost 4 years. I have committed myself to learning about who I am and how to find balance again. I am still married and happy. My OCD has become my friend, I know it sounds crazy. At one point it ruled my life. It was as if my mind was all powerful, Its not. Your awareness of the mind is all powerful and where we choose to direct our awareness.You are the indwelling being of this body. You are not the mind. The mind is a computer for the body. It generates thoughts based on what it learned and experienced. You are the witness behind the mind. The one who listens to the thoughts and can react to them if you choose, You can give the mind power by focusing your attantion on the thought and then instiling it with energy or belife. call that awareness what you want a soul, spirit whatever. You are not bad. You are not your thoughts. You are more then that. You are the awareness of the thoughts.Even if they are dark and scary do not judge them because they are just thoughts nothing more. Like clouds that pass by in the sky and you are aware of them. I feel so deeply for you and have so much compassion and empathy because I have experience the terror of intrusive thinking. But my friend there are so many wonderful tools out there to help you learn about your OCD. It can actually become your friend if you can see it not as your enemy, but as your teacher. There is a book that changed my life and helped me deal with this and its called the Untethered Soul by Michel Singer. his book changed my life. Please if you like reading get this book and study it. There is gold to be found in this book. Your mind is simply out of balance. I say simply which may sound insensitive but I know you can find peace within the storm of your mind. I became a hypnotherapist because i wanted to help others who suffer with anxiety and an active stressed mind. I highly recommend hypnotherapy and diet! research healthy eating if you dont already. I know b complex is something to research. and gotu kola.
Peace and Light to you