Hi Carly,

I am going through a breakup to. I will try my best to help you. Here’s something I would like to say about your breakup.

1. Everything is impermanent/ changes that includes people and situations.
a. Your ex changed, he wasn’t the same person due to issues in his life.
b. Your relationship with him changed. Try and see how it was at the start and then in 2014 with his new behavior how it started changing.

# Here’s what I’ve learnt from my ex. We cannot grasp or cling to people because everybody changes, including you and me. We cannot stop or control it. We suffer when we continue to cling on something that was in the past, its changed, its gone.

# Advice : Learn to cultivate acceptance and letting go, very hard but not impossible. The heart break feeling and emotions that you and I are going through, it will change.

2. You aren’t at fault for this breakup. Why?
a. Because you never gave up on him, he did on you and broke up with you
b. You did everything you could possibly do, even tolerating is alcoholism and poor behavior.
c. You moved out for a job, not to break up with him. In fact, you were trying to give another chance, a fresh start.

# Your mind will continue to torment you with “if only I did this or that better” thoughts. The truth is you loved him and did everything you could do throughout our time, sure you would have made some mistakes, but you never gave up on him.

# Advice: Embrace the fact that you cannot control your ex or his decision to not be with you or his feelings towards you. I know I couldn’t, when my ex told me that she doesn’t want to be with me or she doesn’t want even try. I still go through feeling of shocks and denial.

3. Your self discovery journey starts now. There will be alot emotions that you have to go through, grief, anger, loneliness, sadness, shock, confusion, denial etc. etc. I am sorry to say but there’s no escape from it, I am going through them every day. You meant to go through this journey and bear this pain. My heart goes to you. Find support through friend or counselor but do not numb yourself with drugs, alcohol, recreational sex, binge tv or eating etc.. These feelings don’t go until they teach you something very important.

4. Last important advice. I say this to myself everyday ” This is meant to happen”. We all wish that this current/ present moment is wrong because this was never meant to happen. And we want it to go away. I feel like this everyday. But the acceptance only comes when you learn to stay with pain. Learn to be with what is.

Hope it helps. I send you compassion and relief.