Thank you Anita.

I have been reading quite alot and have understood some things. The problem is and that’s a problem for everyone in this world, our habitual reactions are too strong to apply this. Breaking habitual pattern requires alot of practice and immense courage.

For instance, its a lot easier for some people ( for some its not) to not angry on small things. But when it comes to big things, like betrayal, loss, injustice etc. breaking habitual pattern is the most difficult thing to do. And this habitual tendencies are the cause of suffering.

Anita,

So the training went ok as she came late but left quickly. I sat at front to avoid seeing her, but I could feel alot of pain.

What I finding troubling/unbearable is I have this image of her with some new guy ( no face), just image. Why I am finding unbearable is difficult to describe? To put in words it feels like ‘something of mine that loved dearly is taken from me’, I guess its an attachment. However, I never thought of her being with someone after me like never consider, there’s a possibility that she will go, even though she did that to her previous ex. Why I didn’t think of this? Why I find soooooo unbearable that she is with someone? I don’t understand. Why I can’t I see that she is soooooo different now, not the same person at all.

Hi Eris,

I read the same as well. She was prepared and ready for breakup in months in advance. Although, she continued to say things to me that everything is alright and great and dropped the bombshell later.

There’s nothing I could do about it now. I believed her for a long time, even questioned my gut feelings as I valued her so much.

Now here I am….. and there’s nothing I can do apart from accepting it.

Hi Brav3,

I would tell the common friend, “I don’t want to hear OF her.” If you keep getting tidbits of juicy news on her fabulous life say, “Friend, I’m cutting you off for a while. Nothing personal.” This will give the friend pause, and will probably change his/her mode of communication in the future.

The workplace: Can you actively find a new job? Or work from home or on the weekends or at night? Take a vacation now? Seeing her everyday is a little over the top emotionally.

And I’m sure you’ve heard this, but relationships that started out with cheating (if that’s what she did) or rebound relationships seldom work out long term. I’m betting that her “Everything’s fine/you don’t exist” face is just that ~ a mask.

Do a ceremony where you safely burn those phrased she said to you. I’ve done that and it IS very cathartic!

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Inky,

I have decided to fully cut off with this common friend completely as she isn’t a trustworthy person.

I can’t change job as I am in contract with my company until the end of this year. I have finished all my paid leaves to cope up with early stages of breakup. So yeah, basically, I have no choice but to endure this.

I would really like to do that ceremony. Can you please describe how did you do a ceremony to burn those words.

Thank Brav3

Hey Lorissa,

Thank you for your compassion and kind words.

What I have learnt so far is that people change, it can be quick or fast. Nothing stay the same. I am just trying to cultivate my acceptance to this change. I wrote a post few months about post break up. These tips might help you as you just started this journey.

For those who broke up recently, some tips for you

Feel free to talk to us.

Brav3

Hey Cath,

We are in this together. I read your story and how you are slowly coming out of it as a strong person. I see myself coming out of this as a strong and wise individual who doesn’t afraid of strong emotions. I have learned so much about myself and have grown immensely. However, this journey is very painful and difficult at times.

Hang in there buddy, I am hanging in there to along with all those who are going through this. When we will be fully out from this, our wisdom about life will shine in this world.

Brav3

Dear Anita,

I always feel so much better when I talk to you. She is definitely worth of replacing too. However, I want to stay alone and learn more about myself, which is difficult at times to do.

She is surely not the person that I fell in love with. I have been telling that to myself everyday. Because of the grasping or attachment I have with what my past was, I am not able to see what my present is, that is, she is a completely different girl.

If I get this insight in my mind that what I lost wasn’t mine, wasn’t permanent, it was just the fantasy of my deluded mind to grasp/attach to certainty, I will be able to accept it more. But emotionally, my mind is so deluded that I get entangled in this emotions.

Thank you Lucylou. I think I am to, a very social person. What I am trying to understand is why I feel lonely if I have nothing planned?