I am in a similar situation, married for 28 years but mine is much more complex than the stories read here. We went for many counselling sessions….too many to mention and that still did not resolve anything.  I do not know my husband, his deceit and what his upbringing was like because I was always cut short when asked about his life before marriage.  His behaviour  is so far fetched than he cannot differentiate between normal and abnormal behaviour.  He flirts with women all the time and thinks nothing wrong of it.  I have cut all ties with his side of the family and feel so much lighter in my heart.  I have taken my focus off him husband and involved myself with church ministry which is more fulfilling to me.  My husband does not understand boundaries and I assume the same applies to your relationship