I understand what you’re going through, Nicole. I’ve been in a similar situation and it has totally removed my inner peace. I’m in a lot of a better space now, but only because I don’t think about it. For days, I walked around feeling like the lowest and ugliest person on earth, and neither is true of me. But I believed it of myself.

I’m guessing from the way you write, that what’s happened is relatively recent. Slowly some distance between you and the horror will develop. I believe, small tiny steps could help you to get better.

Matt nailed it on the head – the harsh words from your abuser are a result of his problems, rather than an accurate assessment of your value\self-worth as a person.

My humble two cents: Do not outsource your self-worth\validation to another who doesn’t value you. A very important question to ask yourself is, why do you need the validation\approval of someone that does not value you & chooses cruel words towards you? Since he doesn’t value your body, respond by choosing another, who does.