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Daniel

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Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 72 total)
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  • February 16, 2020 at 3:03 pm in reply to: Friendzone ? #338610
    Daniel
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thank you for giving me those new ideas to think about. Maybe I will find some answers on the way.

    My mom and I both suffered because of my father’s behaviour and we were glad when I no longer had to see him. I prefer not to elaborate too much on this because I don’t want to share too intimate things on the internet. Thanks anyway anita

    Daniel

    February 13, 2020 at 7:22 am in reply to: Friendzone ? #337932
    Daniel
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I’d never thought we’d be talking about my mom but maybe you’re right to give it so much importance.

    Concerning “the truth” : I think my mom always had good intentions when raising me. She has her own fears and insecurities and sometimes she may hurt me even though it’s not on purpose. Maybe she should have let her fears of seeing me in such a bad state and helped me from the beginning of my depression. And maybe my life would have been much brighter and lighter instead of what it is now.

    We both suffered a lot because of my father and it changed my life for the better when I didn’t have to keep seeing him (my parents are divorced).

    I’m looking forward to hearing from you,

    Daniel

    February 9, 2020 at 11:51 am in reply to: Friendzone ? #337318
    Daniel
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    You definitely took the time to try and understand me before writing your answer and I thank you a lot for that. I can say without any doubt that you shine with empathy.

    Indeed, I’ve been struggling with sadness, depression, anxiety, loneliness for several years now. My mom was raising me for the most part because my dad never really cared about me. She did the best she could and I thank her for that. But when I got heartbroken for the first time, I secluded myself in my room and didn’t share my horrible thoughts and feelings with anyone. My mom did see that something was wrong. But she did not want to believe it and told herself that what happened to me happens to everyone. That everyone can be sad from time to time (which is true). But she refuses to see that it was not an ordinary sadness. I knew it all along that it was something far more terrifying and long lasting. It was depression. And someday, I learnt a very good news : I managed to get into med school. My mom was very happy for me but I wasn’t at all. I could feel that something was wrong. I couldn’t feel happy for myself. A few months later, I had a huge outburst. I went crazy, couldn’t stay in one place for more than a few seconds, I felt madness took control of my body. My mom was crying and she could not not see the truth this time. After that, she and I started looking for a doctor. Eventually, I found one who gave me pills. The pills were quite effective and my mood was better overall. Today, I don’t take pills anymore but I lack having a therapist. The doctor I had was only there to give me pills. I couldn’t have a therapy with him. That’s why I made a call a few weeks ago in order to get a therapy.

    Even today, I feel alone in this fight against depression. My mom tries to understand me sometimes but she can’t. I know she wants to help me but doesn’t know how. I don’t think that she can help me either.

    About relationships: I have a poor self esteem and I know I lack confidence (even though I feel that it’s getting better with time). Girls can feel when I’m sad and it’s something that make them go away. They don’t want to deal with someone else’s sadness when they’re afraid of their own. I understand. With time, I managed to get better at hiding the pain and my relationships got better. But inside, I feel broken and sometimes it takes a few to make me cry.

    I never experienced love in a romantic relationship. For many years, I thought that I was feeling love when I had on crush on all these girls who left me heartbroken. Now, I know that it was not love. I wish I knew love since it is for me the best reason to keep on living. Fortunately, I have my strong love for music. As long as I can give love, I want to live in this world even though I have struggle to feel/receive love from others.

    (I had a lot to say, sorry if there are english mistakes or misunderstandings)

    PS: my mom loves me

    Daniel

    February 8, 2020 at 2:51 pm in reply to: Friendzone ? #337182
    Daniel
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    It’s funny that you mention empathy fatigue because I first heard of it a few weeks ago. And it particularly speaks to me as a student in med school. Mindfulness may be a solution to that fatigue and that’s one of the many reasons why I’ve been trying to practice mindfulness on a daily basis. I still can’t seem to do it every day.

    About what I describe as “being a bit cold to some people” : I noticed that it often happens when I’m sad, tired, depressed. In these moments, my mind focuses on the pain, on myself and I can’t seem to be emotionally engaged with those I interact with. I also noticed that it happens when I interact with a girl who seems to like me in a way that is not reciprocated. I’m used to being on the other side, the one who likes someone too much. I don’t know how to handle it when it’s the other way around. That’s why I act a bit cold in a way to tell the girl that I’m not as enthousiastic as she is when together. I don’t know if it is the right way to do. I know that is has to do with the fear to hurt someone else’s feelings though.

    By the way, I wanted to say that I noticed that every saturday evening, I feel especially sad and lonely. Sometimes, I need to get it out my chest and I start crying. I think a lot about people going out, seeing each other, spending happy moments. I guess that I’m envious of those people. “Why don’t you go out then?” Well, I don’t have many friends and even fewer who seem to really love me (though I know that I have troubles when it comes to feeling love from those who love me). And I don’t really have someone to hang out with.

    Daniel

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by Daniel.
    February 2, 2020 at 6:05 am in reply to: Friendzone ? #336280
    Daniel
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thank you for your words again. I guess that I need to hear these kind of words from time to time so I can remember who I am.

    Indeed, I am ‘hungry for closeness’ and I’ve been learning to feed this appetite for several years with what life offers to me: music for the most part. Of course, it is not as effective as an intimate and loving relationship but I do what I can.

    I noticed that I can be a bit cold to some people. Especially when I feel that they show they care about me. It’s as though I’m putting a barrier between them and me. I don’t really know why I do this. I have not thought about it yet. Maybe it has to do with pain. I noticed that I can lack empathy when I feel tired, sad or hurt.

    Daniel

    February 1, 2020 at 2:10 pm in reply to: Friendzone ? #336220
    Daniel
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    It’s amazing to read so much wisdom coming from you ! Indeed, I recognize that I have some issues in the way I perceive relationships. Very often, I can act too close to someone I barely know and aloof to someone who knows me and cares about me. Thank you for giving me the words I needed so I can describe my relationships and get my perception closer to what they really are: a friendly acquaintance, a friendship, a romantic relationship or something else.

    I’m afraid of becoming someone who seems cold and distant to the eyes of others. Maybe a part of me is very scared of getting hurt again.

    Daniel

    January 29, 2020 at 2:15 pm in reply to: Friendzone ? #335712
    Daniel
    Participant

    Hi everyone !

    I’d like to give you some news about what happened these last weeks. After 2 weeks without talking or seeing her, I eventually saw D while jamming with the band. She seemed distant from me and I could feel a kind of uneasiness when she had to talk to me about the song we were playing. I felt quite okay at the moment but maybe a bit sad. Then I saw her 3 days ago when we were with the band again. But this time, when she entered the music room, I started feeling very sad. She saw me but ignored me and went to the other side of the room. A few minutes later, I had to leave the room because I couldn’t stand the pain. I know I still feel guilty that things happened this way and that I destroyed my friendship with her. I guess that I need more time so my heart can feel light again. By the way, I have a feeling that she blocked me on messenger these last weeks.

    I saw A a few days ago and seemed happy to see me. I’m pretty sure that she “just” want to be friends with me but I’m fine with that. She’s lovely and I’m glad to be her friend and to get to know her slowly.

    Thank you Harry for your support!

    Daniel

    January 7, 2020 at 12:38 pm in reply to: Friendzone ? #331887
    Daniel
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thank you for your answer

    Today I felt a sad but less than yesterday. I can’t help but feel that I messed everything I had with her. I regret some things I said or done and I long for the friendship I had with her. It makes me really sad to be on bad terms with her. And I think of what she may be thinking about me and that makes me sad too.

    I know I’m still caught in this web of thoughts and feelings about her but I wish things had turned some other way when I look at pictures of D and I from two weeks ago.

    I realize that I really cut corners/forced my way in this relationship when I should have taken more time to know her and to let her go with gestures and attitude that I really like her.

    I know something is wrong (chronic depression and anxiety) with me and after more than a year of telling myself to get some help, I eventually called a therapist yesterday. I’ll have to wait in order to get an appointment but the hardest has been done. I know that I have some social issues and that I can be awkward with people and that needs to be fixed.

    Daniel

    January 6, 2020 at 1:45 pm in reply to: Friendzone ? #331681
    Daniel
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    It makes sense to me. I need a few days to fully understand that things are over. But when I know today that I need to move on. I’m done with sending her messages spontaneously and thinking about her everyday.

    Btw a good friend of mine told me about a month ago that she thinks D is not the kind of girl for me. I guess I should have listened to her.

    Daniel

    January 6, 2020 at 1:22 pm in reply to: Friendzone ? #331675
    Daniel
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    yesterday I think I was in shock because I learnt that she doesnt like me more than a friend. I had a terrible night and I barely slept. This afternoon, I sent her a text telling her that I’d like to see her and talk to her. She replied much later. In her reply, she told me that there’s nothing to talk about. That she didn’t like the way I tried to get close the her the other night when we were both drunk. That she doesn’t like me more than a friend and that she didn’t know that I liked her more than a friend.

    I apologized to her for what happened, i could feel that she was angry in her text. I wished her a good evening. She didn’t reply.

    I don’t know how things will be next time we see each other

    Daniel

    January 6, 2020 at 1:11 pm in reply to: Friendzone ? #331671
    Daniel
    Participant

    Hi Michelle,

    thank you for your words of wisdom, that is exactly what I needed. I find it reassuring to know that I’ve been rejected in the past and that even though it hurt very much, I kept on living my life afterwards.

    and thank you for giving me hope for the future. I often feel like i’m in a loop in which I always end up heartbroken and giving more than I take. Hopefully it will eventually change (#impermanence).

    Daniel

    January 5, 2020 at 12:53 pm in reply to: Friendzone ? #331227
    Daniel
    Participant

    Hey, it’s me again.

    I feel devastated. I learnt this morning from a friend of D that D don’t consider me as something else than a friend. I’m indeed in the friendzone. I can’t describe properly how I feel. It’s as though something heavy fell on my head. A bit dizzy, extremely sad, can’t stop crying, but the pain remains. It’s a nightmare. I can’t think properly, I’m still in shock. It feels as if I’m bleeding without interruption.

    That friend of D told me that D has been trying to tell me that she don’t consider me as something else than a friend but failed because she fears that she may hurt my feelings. It means that she cares at least a bit for me.

    I don’t know what to do and I feel that I won’t be able to work properly in the next days. I really hope that I will feel better tomorrow. I’ve been thinking about inviting her somewhere in order to talk about all of this (even though I’d prefer if she was the one coming inviting to talk)

    December 24, 2019 at 4:10 am in reply to: Friendzone ? #329241
    Daniel
    Participant

    Thank you Nekoshema for your answer

    Actually I may be falling for the image of her in my mind. And that is why I want to spend more time with her so I can see her as she is and not as I see her now.

    Anyway, I still don’t know if I’m going to tell her how I feel on Thursday but I don’t want to waste my Christmas because of these thoughts. So I’m going to let it be until I see her.

    I wish you a merry Christmas 🙂

    December 23, 2019 at 1:33 pm in reply to: Friendzone ? #329157
    Daniel
    Participant

    Hey Nekoshema,

    Maybe I’m selfish but I really want her to be my girlfriend. I want it so bad. Maybe this time things will work out. I really crave for it and I know that it’s a bad habit to think that way.

    I’m pretty sure that she doesn’t like me more than a friend. And that is the reason why I’m so scared of telling her how I feel. I don’t want to get rejected. To feel miserable again. By the way, it always bothers me that she almost never answers my texts right away. She can take 10 minutes to an hour.

    Oh and A left me on ‘read’ when I asked her when she’s going on holiday.

    I’m seeing D on Thursday’s afternoon (just had an anxiety attack an hour when I was thinking how bad it could go)

    December 22, 2019 at 12:54 pm in reply to: Friendzone ? #328971
    Daniel
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    You’re definitely right about 1 to 1. And thanks for the coffee shop idea.

    And I agree with you regarding A. Why not getting to know her if I can? haha

    Thank you for the tips and for your wisdom, I’ll come back if needed

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