What interests you about your life- A ton of stuff like sketching, bouldering, cooking, strength training and studies, lately I have been trying to keep busy by only studying books on finance and stats. But her absence in my life is still daunting, like I used to sketch her so whenever I open my sketchbook she’s there and I get reminded of her.

Maybe so, but I would rather think it is just a means of escapism cause till a certain point she clearly said she’s tired of everything but not the relationship. And I told her clearly if she can’t video call for a while that’s fine as well my way of helping was practical in nature. Also our relationship shifted from long distance to short so I could even visit her more frequently, video calling was never the issue, it was that she would just avoid me.

Key when that happens, when you feel jealous and angry, is to calm down before you act, because when we are hurt and angry.. our intelligence goes down and we act against our own interests and against the interests of the person we are trying to help.- yes that was wrong of me, I realised after calming down.

That possessiveness adds to the burden of the person you are trying to help.– The thing is I just couldn’t see her crying and curled up in a corner because she did mention that she still cries at night when she thinks of her cat.

Nonetheless it frustrates me that I was thinking all that but she dropped me like I was one of her issues even if it was a reaction, I could never think of dropping her like that. And the problem is that I am still attached to her, even though she didn’t value me enough. Anyways thanks for responding Anita.

Yeah, maybe it’s because she was already stressed from her exams and the loss, and I ended up pushing her limits even more by contacting her friend (which she doesn’t like) that’s why her response was so bitter. I don’t know honestly if she needed me more than her but she keeps pushing people away, I do know that I am really attached to her so maybe I need her more than she needs me, there’s a part of me which hates her for throwing me away and there’s a huge part of me which is still in doubt if I leave her alone and then there’s another part in me which selfishly wants her all for myself and wants to be in contact for that reason, because supporting her made me happy, because it made me feel that I am able to do something for her.

<p style=”text-align: left;”>I have support, but I still am unable to figure out how can someone leave me because they’re grieving. Throughout the relationship I always tried to support her, respected her boundaries and gave her space whenever she got busy with something but I still got abandoned like this and I don’t know what to do anymore because I was serious about her.</p>

Yes we’ve met only three times in person, whenever she came to my city or I visited hers. We used to video call everyday to make up for the distance. There were sometimes a lack of communication from her end but it didn’t stretch till a week, before the passing of her cat she used to be irregular but she used to put in efforts. Even before our first in person date she got depressed and didn’t talk properly for a day.

Yes she doesn’t have any history of drug abuse but normally she won’t be getting drunk just for the sake of letting it lose, and ever since her cat died she’s been saying stuff like “what’s even the point of this” and been acting really cold. Even avoiding people but last time I talked to her she said she’s trying her best to be “normal”.

The breakup is affecting me a lot because I am really attached to her. It’s been affecting my physical health too. And the constant worry of how she’s doing or if she’s gone forever makes it even worse.

Yes I know, my attachment style is anxious while her’s is avoidant probably.

Let’s look at the nature and intensity of your emotional attachment to her, an attachment formed within those 5 months: “I even met her after her cat passed away and she constantly reassured me and talked about future plans”- this means that you were anxious about her ending the relationship and she reassured you that she was not ending the relationship, that there was a future to it.- Yeah because after the passing of her cat she started saying stuff like “I need to back away from everything”, I got really worried because of that prior to that I was never so insecure about the status of our relationship.

One thing which keeps bothering me is that before the breakup she said she’s just tired and exhausted and doesn’t wanna try anymore. And the very fact that I am here caring for her is burdening, I keep spiralling and thinking should I have not done that? Should I have not tried to support her or offer any care?

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Do I understand correctly? Would it be okay with resuming a relationship where you are being stonewalled for 2-3 days at a time?- In my opinion since I just want her, I would be okay with that. I can only hope she changes that.</p>
can you hold back all romantic and physical attraction to her and be there for her as a platonic friend in-practice, day in and day out over a potentially extended period of time?- if it means getting to check up on her and see her, I can control not showing it to her though I know deep in my heart that the reason I want to check up on her is because I love her but I can keep it platonic if that’s what it takes.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Also no, this is the first time she got drunk, she never even expressed the desire to get drunk, and I don’t think that’s the issue, the issue is that she got drunk to cope with the loss and I am afraid if she gets into drugs for the same reason. I don’t think she’s suicidal but these things can harm her in other ways. Am I being too concerned here?</p>
I would be lying if I say that I want to stay connected for any selfless reason, ever since the breakup I am unable to sleep or do any tasks.

Thank you for the advice.