Yes, what you write about the whole purpose of Jesus’ death being to save us from our imperfections is absolutely right. It’s not always so easy to accept that, though. In my head I might know I am forgiven, but to feel it in your heart and forgive yourself is a battle.

You ask how anyone can be a Saint. I didn’t know whether you meant a saint or a Saint. A saint is anyone who is in heaven. And, you would attain this through belief in Christ. What that means in a practical sense is debatable. I guess a Catholic would say that you show your belief in Christ through how you act. So, it may be that there are people out there who believe in Christ and don’t know it yet. A Saint, on the other hand, is someone who is held up to be exemplary by the Church. They can, of course, make mistakes. But, they should have lived a virtuous life.

I spoke to a friend of mine today (who is a priest) about my issue. He doesn’t think how the relationship started is bad, and feels is could actually help us in marriage, since it is a relationship born in the real world. I can’t remember how he phrased it, but he basically said that we are all human and make mistakes. A marriage is trying to make something good out of the human world which is full of human error. We are all imperfect and should just acknowledge that and lean on God for help. Marriage is about asking God to help the two of you through life.

I quite liked this explanation, and found solace and encouragement in it.

Dear Anita

I just thought I would update you. I am often quite honest with how I feel with my fiancé. She is often a great comfort to me, and she genuinely has a very kind heart. But, equally, I think she sometimes struggles with my honesty, as I sometimes say things she doesn’t want to hear. I think my fears are sometimes irrational and it is difficult for other people to understand them.

I am Catholic, so some of the bad things I have done in my past haunt me, and I don’t quite know how to get rid of them. I have an ideal in my head of what I should be like, and I so often fall short of it. Whenever I seem to get over one area of guilt or anxiety, another one emerges which becomes the next obsession. I think this can be hard for my fiancé – especially when they relate to her. Whenever I tell her about how I feel guilty about the relationship started, for instance, she takes offence – rightly so, you might say.

In all honesty, I’m a bit of a mess. I do feel I would be a lot worse if I did have my fiancé. Perhaps the fact that she seems to make me into a better person is something I should take solace in.