Hi Anne,

I agree with everything the previous posters have said.

First, learn to love yourself. If you can understand yourself, then you will not “need” to get anything out of a relationship. This will take a lot of the fear out of it, and in the end, only you can provide for your emotional needs anyway.

Then, understand that the past does not predict the future. Relationships are tricky, but if you keep the communication open and aren’t acting out of the fear of losing the other person, it won’t be as scary. Relationships are about learning about yourself through your interactions, about sharing your adventures with someone else, and about learning to understand all of humanity a little better.

Bethany
http://onlinetherapyandcoaching.org

Hi Nicole,

We often seek to feel “good” in relationships, because we are unable to help our mind feel safe. You are seeking something that this relationship provided for you. Don’t judge your mind for yearning for it–you know to stay away, that isn’t the issue. But be curious. What was this relationship doing for you?

A lot of times we have a lot of misunderstandings about ourselves, so that we are not able to feel safe and at peace. Self-attack and limiting beliefs about ourselves can lead us to seek peace through external sources. But even in a good relationship, the “good” feeling is no substitute for truly being at peace with ourselves. When we are comfortable in our own skin, we don’t become so addicted to unhealthy relationships.

Hang in there!

Bethany
http://onlinetherapyandcoaching.org