Anna,

First of all I really like what Anita said. Very well said!

I’d also like to say it sounds similar to a situation I went through. I ended that relationship also, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It took me months to get over the thought of him.

That being said, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I’m also very excited for you. Let me explain…I’ve found the most beautiful things have come from times in my life where I had the most fear. Fear to the point that I either let go and accepted what is or go bonkers. The biggest lessons in my life of acceptance, letting go and self-love have come from the situation you describe. It’s a very scary place to be, but know that what is meant for you will come into your life. It may not be on your time and terms, but it will be exactly when you need it.

When I have so much fear the only option is to throw my hands up in surrender, that’s when the blessing comes. It’s happened so many times I now enjoy the journey, because I trust the process and know something amazing is just around the corner…it always is.

Keep your head up! Smile and spread some love. Find someone who could use a smile, a hug or just some compassion and give what you can. For me doing this gets me out of my head and the love always comes back two fold.

Good luck and love!
Dawn

You’re so welcome and that’s what community is for! It’s already in you. Sometimes we need to walk through it all and suddenly we’re on the other side with wisdom and gratitude! This experience will allow you help help someone else in the future, the same way we all did hhere.

luk333

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s difficult enough to feel personally attacked in an environment where it’s difficult to remove yourself (vacation) and even more difficult when you don’t feel supported by those you love.

That being said, setting healthy boundaries for yourself IS showing compassion for others. We can’t be our best self when we’re in an environment where we’re feeling distant and defensive. Attempting to show compassion by putting yourself in a position to be hurt and build an even deeper resentment isn’t going to heal anyone’s soul. Sometimes we show compassion by loving and honoring other peoples spirit from afar. It sounds like that’s what you need to do in this situation. Set your boundaries with your partner and these friends. You don’t need to explain yourself to them. Simply tell your partner how you’re feeling and that you don’t feel comfortable sharing your time with these friends (said couple) any longer. Then don’t. There’s no reason to defend your decision or further explain it. Once you remove yourself from the situation try sending them positive healing thoughts through meditation or quiet reflection. Do this once a day for a week. Try to remember nothing anyone says has anything to do with you. It’s simply their perception of others and life based on the how the perceive their experiences.

When we begin to set boundaries for our own emotional health we attract people who are conducive to the boundaries we’ve set.

Good luck!

corse123 – I feel your pain. Literally. I’m a recovered alcoholic and there is nothing more devastating than having a debilitating disease with such a shameful stigma. I’m very sorry your family doesn’t understand. You’re not alone. It took me quite some time, in the program of AA, before I was proud of who I was and no longer ashamed.

The great news is that’s part of what AA helps you with. When you start going to meetings it can be a bit intimidating, but it’s worth it. Once you start working a program you may start to realize how much of your anxiety was because of your addiction. For me I used all my problems as a crutch to keep drinking (including anxiety disorder) when, in actuality, my addiction was causing all my problems…

That being said my spiritual journey started when I entered the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Buddhism, meditation and following my spiritual journey was only part of the equation for me. A beautiful part I now get to attribute to my rock bottom. Today I’m grateful to be an alcoholic. I’ve gained so much inner strength and it definitely got me started on the beautiful spiritual path I’m on today. I cannot quit drinking and using on spirituality alone. The addiction comes from a spiritual malady, however the fellowship of AA is a huge part of what keeps me sober. If I didn’t have people who shared the same struggles as me and who I could talk to about anything, I wouldn’t be sober today. I’d be hiding in my room shamefully drinking alone…because that’s how I feel when I’m in my active alcoholism. Only people who have been in our shoes can joke about the things we’ve done and seen. Normie’s would think we’re crazy if we talk about the delusional way of thinking most alcoholics live with everyday.

The beauty is there is a solution! It sounds like you already have a spiritual foundation to grow from. Best of luck to you and let me know if there’s anything I can do!

Hi Carly,

My name is Dawn and I’m a recovered alcoholic. I’m sorry for what both you and your ex are going through. I understand how it feels to be uncertain when it comes to loving someone with erratic behavior and/or an alcohol problem. I not only put my family and friends through this torture, but I grew up in an alcoholic home.

That being said, you did what was best for you. Try and remember you only have control over your thoughts about a situation, not someone else’s feelings or actions. There’s nothing you can do to create a best case scenario. The most important thing you can do is to accept what is and work on forgiving yourself.

We can’t “fix” someone else. If your ex wasn’t able to communicate his needs don’t beat yourself up for communicating yours. This wasn’t selfish of you, in fact you sound very selfless. It’s up to each of us to communicate what we need and if you build guilt around what someone else didn’t do you’re setting yourself up for continued depression. Again, we only have control over our feelings and reactions to a situation. Try and take this time for the lesson it is and use it to empower yourself to work on you. Work on loving and accepting all of you. Happiness is within your control – when we allow our negative thoughts to create “what if” scenarios in our head we’re living in the problem, not the solution. Each situation is neutral until we make it positive or negative. There is a lesson in everything if we can get out of our own head long enough to see and hear it.

I wish the best and will keep you in my thoughts.