Definitely. I blocked him on all social media. I’m going to keep working on myself. He’s stopping by to drop the stuff off I left in his apt on Thursday. After that, it’s just time and space and maybe more time and space.

Therapy has been good and fascinating! I think I know the coping skills I need to do and I know the language/lingo of some select emotions that I feel. I have a habit of falling back on a lot of the advice and guidance that I get in therapy–I think it’s because I have such intrusive thoughts and anxiety that overwhelm me. I can’t figure out how to calm this anxiety yet. I feel I know what to do, but I have not been able to actually find some sense of control.

I think it’s not our faults because we have a lot of trauma and unresolved issues and we inadvertently trigger each other. I think it is our faults because we have not established ways to self-soothe and work on our unresolved issues and trauma.

I don’t think he’s any of these. Maybe a mix of them. He’s been talking about therapy for as long as we dated–he knows he has these problems. As soon as we broke up, he sought therapy. When we reconciled briefly, he broke up with me after his first therapy appointment :/

I think he wants to change and he has the tools. I just got hurt in the long run.

He needs a lot of time. Often, I couldn’t get in contact with him for days or hours. I asked for check-ins–like “Good mornings” and “How are you’s” and he responded, “I don’t need that.” He also just generally is a very busy person for a relationship with his work (he could be working until 11 pm). He would seldom respond to my texts after a while, figuring if I needed something I would reach out. I often felt discouraged to reach out though… since he would never respond. I think he felt the relationship was going well and didn’t realize I still needed reassurance and effort. I think he felt angry about that when I told him, but at that point, I was so fed up by my anxiety and for feeling abandoned that I didn’t want to continue.  When I asked to talk again after our initial breakup, I asked what his needs were and he said he didn’t have any. That he was completely self-sufficient and reliant upon himself. He never wanted to fully put me in his life, although he did have a lot of fantasies about me in his life–marriage, retirement, buying a house.