Hi Anita,

Said perfectly!!

Most of all besides needing a hug, why am I still wanting to know his thoughts & if is is thinking of me…I know it really makes ni difference, because if he cared in any way he would reach out in some way.  I just pray the hrs. pass quickly so each & every day that goes by will put my past with him further behind me.  It it wrong to have these thoughts.  My goal it 2 weeks at a time & then compare to see how my progress is doing.  I was going to sign up at the gym for just one month next week to see if that will help (Don’t see how it could hurt)~

I went to have my oil changed & met a guy and we started talking & he asked if I would like to hang out & just talk.  He said he was new to the ares, & was cute and I thought what could it hurt.  We met in a local area & it was the longest 1 1/2 hrs.~  It was like pulling teeth to get 1/2 of a conversation out of him…He has 2 small children from an ex 4 hrs. aways that he goes to see ever weekend.  And he was looking at his cell phone most of the time.  I just wanted to get back home.  I had not intention on starting anything with this man, Selfishly, I wanted to see how I would feel just being around someone different.  Bad move.  Is it because I am just not ready.  I am not one to jump into relationships & certainly don’t look for them.  Most of my relationships just happened…What I means is No dating websites, or hook-ups from friends.  When I came back home is really when I started thinking about how my ex was with someone knew & it hurt.  Not understanding while it made me so uncomfortable & him fall into it so easily.  You couldn’t pay me enough $$$ to go away with someone & spend the night with then ANY time soon.  My ex is the only man I have been with in over 20 yrs.  I was single for 12 years before we met!  I am certain that is one reason this feels so degrading to me him moving right on to another.  I just want to keep my 2 week rule in place & see how it helps.  I still cry and feel hurt, but scares me when I read other post of people mourning for 3 to 5 years over their ex’s…

Hi Anita,

This whole situation is confusing to me, I can understand how it is hard to sift through.  I am so upset I can’t think straight.  Even in the best scenario I know the feelings I had for him him could no longer be.  I would never trust him after what he has done.  Maybe in his mind has  justified his cheating because it was his way out & it is his nature to cheat.  He had told me when we met he cheated on his ex.  That should have been a red flag for me, but he said he would never cheat on me.  I wish we could go back 2 months & knowing what I know now, I would have done things differently.  I feel with his cheating and resistance to dealing with uncomfortable situations, maybe it was just a matter of time for him to move on to his next victim as he did. Please, how can I get him out of my mind.  Knowing what I know, my Heart is still breaking and I can’t believe how he can just walk away & shut the door like we never spent the past 8 years together.  I know I will be better off without him, I just can’t stop thinking about him and what he is doing and if he ever thinks about us, or if he is able to throw it away like he has.  I feel so foolish even wasting another minute thinking about him.  How do I stop this madness…

Bella~

Hi Anita,

It has been a week * no contact.  I have many of his items in my  attic  & decided to text him and let hm know I had gotton them dowm * he could pick them up.  As I had mentioned before abut a piece of property I had purchased to built out forever home on.  He had been working on stops & the lumber has been sitting there for 6 mos. with me paying an electric bill.  I told him the last tome we spoke I would leave the power on so he could work on the stops, due to him making the effort.  The power was cut  a week later  (He has had several months & did nothing to finish his project), he was upset, so he collected all of his items inside and took them with him when he went home,  Never mentioned to me what had happened.

I texted him yesterday and let him know the rest of his things were at the house in front of the garage & he was more than welcome to come get them at his convenience. And I didn’t need to be here when he came, because I was disappointed about his cheating! And also I would appreciate his friends, or friend to stop calling me telling me he was taken & has a girlfriend & has had one for a long time. He responded with I was full of s%&T and he knows she doesn’t have my number. He must be in a fog and really must believe whatever she tells him.  I plan on getting my number changed and wipe this whole thing away since ist is finally over since all of his things are gone.  Each & every time we have spoken it does not end well & keeps getting worse.  He didn’t ask any details about the phone call from the person who called & I didn’t recognize the voice.  As I mentioned before, he is no longer the person I once knew!  So Sad…It’s also as any chance he has to lash out at me & say cruel things he does.  No, I am sorry about the cheating,sorry I jumped the gun about the power being turned!  It hurts, but Maybe he really hates me and he just plane old fashioned does not have any feelings except hate for me.  I feel I tried my best to be nice, but nothing has worked.  I will be gone this evening when he picks up his things…

Bella

• This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Bella.

Hi Anita,

Please explain to me how only after a few short months can he feel like he is cheating on her?  By telling me we are not lovers…I have made no attempt to show that emotion to him.  And do you feel the kiss was to assure him he had no feelings for me?  I realize new relationships take a while to get past the honeymoon stage, but it just upsets me so to think he was doing this behind my back and feel no remorse for cheating on me.  I just wish he would have come clean before all of this happened.  I remember before he moved out he would be very loving and then change.  I guess he knew she was there to catch him when he fell.  I don’t feel he would have moved out if he hadn’t found a new person in his life with nowhere to go.  Can a person actually have a healthy relationship with him under these terms.  How can he feel no shame for what he has done.  Making me feel it was me & the whole time I felt it was my fault.  He was not strong enough to leave without having someone else to be waiting for him.  Yes, I am rambling & am sorry, but I have many questions & feelings flowing threw me at the moment.

Hi Anita,

In spite of whatever the reason is for our split and his new relationship, it is only hurtful to me to continue thinking of any reasons why, or who is at fault thinking about any what & what ifs…

I am going to continue my path to wellness & have absolutely no contact with him.  I do feel the truth is in his past history using women.  His patterns are the same.  He left his ex under the same circumstances he left me and he jumped right in to another relationship while still seeing me because it was easier to start a new relationship than to work on what we had, or (what I thought we had).  I do not in any way shape or form feel most people would stay in relationships if they were as unhappy as he said he was without motive.  He did the same to his ex.

I hope someday I will meet an honest and sincere person and will keep an open mind instead of having resentment in this past relationship.  I may be alone forever, or could possibly will find a true person.  Who knows.  As for now, all I can do is try to heal and stop thinking about things the best I can.  The whole situation is still raw to me & I fully understand now that he detached himself from this long before he moved  out.  This is a new experience for me & I know it will take some time to stop thinking about the whole scenario.

Please keep me in your thoughts and Prayers and I will continue to post when I feel a need.

Thank you…

Bella~

Hi Anita,

You are so kind & have a beautiful outlook.  I am now beginning to realize different people bring out different things in us.  My ex came by a few days ago & we spoke a bit…He said he loved me & would always care, but he had moved on and he kept making the remark, we are not lovers.  Which I knew that and couldn’t figure why he kept saying so.  He asked if the property that I had purchased last year, (where we were going to build out dream home) if I had an interest in selling to him & how much I had in it.  I told him and he said he would like to have it, but at 1/3 of what I paid.  He said he couldn’t afford any more & I told him I wasn’t going to sell it at a loss and if he planned to build a home with someone else I had no interest in selling to him.  He said I needed to realize he was going to build a home with her & I needed to get a grip that  possibility.

Only after he has been dating her for 6 weeks or so.  Wow, was that painful.  We had to go to the property because he needed to get the rest of his things & he kept looking at me & reaching to hold my hand and tell me everything was going to be ok.  Then we get back to my house & and he tells me he is no longer my lover and hopes I can find someone as he has.  Then he kisses me like he use to and said he needed to go.  I didn’t say anything and have not spoken with him since.  He did say before he left that he knew I would call or text him.  I told him I would not.  Then yesterday he forwards this spiritual reading e-mail he received saying next month has good things happening.  What was that all about?  I will not contact him if it is the death of me.  I feel his head has swelled since I had previously told him him I would keep the door open.  But I made it clear that was no longer the case when he stopped by Tuesday when he picked up the rest of his things.  I hope he lets it go because I feel it has turned into a little ego boost for him.  I know he is no good for me at this point & I have a soft side which is non-combative and very caring.  I could not hurt anyone as he has made me feel worthless.

I want to move forward & I hate to think he could be enjoying this.  I still do not understand how after an 8 yr. relationship how he can be this much in love after 6 weeks.  I wish I had never found out about her, as his remarks about her have made me feel disposable to him.  Yes, I am trying so hard to not think about these things, but at times they come flooding in so fast I don’t know what to do.  Day by Day & baby steps.  I hope I can go 24 hrs. and not think of how much he has changed.  It is as if the man I once knew no longer exists.  The person I knew, whether dating or not would not enjoy seeing the hurt in my eyes.  He also, said he had all of my text from the last few weeks which was only 1 or 2 every few days when I was looking for something, or it was a needed conversation.  I told him I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of not responding to any texts or messages from me.  And he just laughed. (That Hurt)…as I said earlier, I will not contact him.  Do you think he is enjoying this?