So true Anita,

I will continue to focus  & work on my mind set to this terrible situation…I have been leaving the door open & me frozen in time, waiting for him to call or to get in touch with me & I know it is not going to happen…

Thank you~

Bella~

Hi Anita,

I need confirmation it would be better with no contact…I don’t want to wake up 2 years from now alone and wander if I should have in some way cracked the door open to see if he would in some way make contact with me.

Deep down inside it would take more than a crack, I know if he wanted me in any way shape, or form he wouldn’t hesitate to contact me no matter what the consequences…

I don’t know why,  but I felt like what is happening was going to happen weeks before I found out…

Bella~

Hi Anita,

I have gone out a few times to meet people at our local coffee shop…No clicks, or any interest.  I did try to remain open, all I wanted to do was to get back home…All I do is think about what my ex is doing~

I have a friend I worked with 15 yrs. ago and we have been talking & mostly texting one another…But it usually ends up with him touching on the subject of sex…He wants to meet Sunday for lunch and I told him I would.  We communicate well on the phone, but I don’t have a clue as to how an actual lunch date would be.

I also will open up about how I am torturing myself.  My ex’es phone bill still sends me emails letting me know when payment is due…I looked it up online because I use to take care of all the bills, he just pays it by phone, so he is not aware the bill comes here & I can look at numbers called.  Well, I got more than I bargained for, he has made calls to a an event planner for Marriage/Cruise Line ( I am assuming Honey Moon), 2 Brokerage Firms and Real Estate agent & U haul Truck…Marriage, Honey Moon and New Home!!

I am getting obsessed with this & don’t know why I continue to look at these numbers/ finding out who they are & then imagining the worst.  It’s not like I can do anything about it & we haven’t spoke in weeks & it has been months since we have seen one another.  I have no doubt as to what the end result is & guess I still wish we could have spoken before he got too involved with this other women.  When we first split, I really thought he would come back & until I saw all of the places he has been communicating with I now know what he is doing.  It does hurt so bad & I wish I could stop thinking about him & what he is doing.

I always felt in spite of everything that we would always care about one another, but from all he is doing I feel like an old hat that he had no more use and being tossed away…

I can’t believe he will be living the life with her that we had planned & never did…It has only been 4 months since he moved & how he can be planning a life with someone else makes me feel so disposable…

Part of me says to talk to him, but I know him well enough if had had the smallest feeling of wanting me he would do whatever it took to get me to talk to him…I am not that pushy & don’t want to degrade myself with groveling.  Then another part says call him.  I know by the way he has been for the past few months I have probably not crossed his mind at all, because he wouldn’t hesitate to call if he wanted to talk.

I feel so disposable…Like I never mattered to him & how can he move on so quickly!

Bella~

Hi Anita,

Using your weather analogy,  I believe today is going to be partly cloudy & possible showers…lol

I am getting lonely & wandering if I messed up my relationship, or should I be happy that I found out what he is capable of by the way he has treated me since we split…Maybe the side I have seen from him in the last 4 mos. would never had happened if we had not broken up~Did I cause the break up  & this terrible summer I have managed to survived~  Why in the world am I starting to blame myself??

I try to tell myself it is better to have found out early of his demeanor.  Then on the other hand, I feel if I had only done what it would have taken to keep us together. I know these feelings are because I am scared & don’t want to spend my life alone.  When I was younger, I wouldn’t have worried about being lonely, but now that is a priority of mine…To be happy at least 10 yrs. before I leave this earth.

I still spend most of my time alone & I know I am not going to meet anyone if I don’t start going out & doing things.  Just a little blue today~ I need to keep reminding myself I am better off without him, instead of blaming  myself for the breakup…Having so much idol time allows me to focus on him and for some reason I am thinking I would have been better off with him rather  than being alone…

Bella~

Hi Anita,

Feeling a bit low today, a friend called today & said she saw my ex with his new girl & a dagger went threw my Heart~

She said I needed to realize once he jumped in the bed with her he probably lost all feelings for me…I told her we had not seen, or spoken in weeks & she said she never has any contact with her ex’s…

I don’t care what others do, all I know is how I deal with things & to me the way he has been since the broke-up is not normal after 8 years together.  It has done nothing but make me start thinking about him again…I am crying as I write this because it feels like it did in the beginning  with the hurt feeling almost new~

I felt really good yesterday & feel like I am stepping backwards at the moment.

I am sure you probably don’t have much to comment on with this message, but I needed to tell someone & since you are my someone I am telling you~I understand the no-contact rule & distance will make things better eventually…My goodness it has already been 4 mos & it hurts as bad as it did in the beginning.  I have quit talking to anyone except writing these post in reference to my pain & the hurt I still feel.  Most of my friends think I am ok, but really it still hurts,  I keep things myself…

Any advice for a quick fix?

Bella~

Hi Anita,

Wanted to touch base & say hi…My feelings are changing from hurt to anger~  I realize he moved out & started a new life because all of the fun was gone for him…Going to sell my home & build a new one required him to be responsible & he does not like responsibility.  I was hurt that he was going & doing so many things with his new friend, but it hit me yesterday that we had been trying to save our $$ to put towards the new home instead of running around just having fun.  I remember he told me shortly after he moved that I wouldn’t do fun things with him anymore.  It all made sense yesterday when I realized we were more in a saving & work mode so we could hire a contractor to build the home we wanted, but when the fun stopped and responsibility moved in he couldn’t handle it…He seems to want nice things but when you take away his fun, he jumps off the old lily pad on to a new one~ It’s sad , but seems so true…Part of me would love to sit him down & beat some sense in to him, but I will never give him the time of day!!

It is getting easier & I hope this feeling continues…

Bella~

Hi Anita,

I agree with the continuce of no contact…

He never called, or came by to pick up his box of pictures.  They have been sitting on my front porch since we last spoke about him picking them up.  I guess I will put them back in the garage.  I was going to throw them away, but most of them are of his deceased parents & I would feel terrible if I threw them out.

I still hurt & think of things often, but I feel I am starting to take a little bit more control of my life…

Bella~

Hi Anita,

I have read several other post from different people in a similar position & it seems we all feel about the same.  So, I realized from reading this feeling must be normal under the circumstances.

A friend of mine called right before this post and told me she saw my ex with a female in the grocery store.  She described her to me and it really hurt.  She said she was short and very small & long brown hair…Complete opposite of me, tall blonde hair and a little plump.  (haha) he was always trying to get me to eat more to the point he would bring food to bed.  He always would say, better fat & happy than skinny & unhappy. I always told him I didn’t feel comfortable with my weight & wanted to loose, but he would say he Loved me as I was & did not want me to looses any weight.  I know it is stupid for me to even think about it because it is a moot point~

Now he is with this tiny girl and I feel even more terrible than I did before.  I can’t seem to stop thinking about the 2 of them.  It makes me sick, but now I know & don’t have to wander what she looks like.

I will continue to work on myself…I have no choice but to pick myself up by the boot straps and realize I was just flavor of the month until he found a new one~

Do you feel he has completely stopped thinking about me & our 8 years together…or is it possible that he just put me in a box and permanently closed the lid.  I still think of relationships I had 30 years ago~

Bella~

• This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Bella.