Hi Anita,

I would like very much to talk with him, but it feels so strange…I have never felt this way about calling him.  I don’t want the rejection, because I know it will make me angry if he doesn’t return my call.  I really don’t know how to handle this…

Anita,

Should I try to purge my whole relationship from the past with this man?  Would that be best for me, or should I be patient and give it a few weeks and see how I feel…  Should I tell him how I feel when I get a little better perspective on things, or am I just torturing myself by even thinking about it?

I know it is not good to make decisions when you are angry & upset is why I am  in limbo~  I noticed for others advice was given to tell the other party how they felt & I do know all situations are unique.  I can’t seem to get a hold on how I could spend more than 8 yrs. with someone & them know everything about me, so it seemed most of the time, and then now I feel like he is a complete stranger.  Seriously, “Complete Stranger”…I could show any emotion to him without reserve & now it feels so strange not to have that.  It’s like the man I once knew disappeared…It is so hard not to just have his presence in the house.  It is all I have known for many years & I feel so abandoned.

Hi Anita,

I have been digesting everything you have told me & all is sobering.

I never thought about him more interested in easy, more than Love.  And if I knew he was just trying to sort through his feelings alone for a while I would be able to feel better.  I do understand their is no way I will know.  The girlfriend thing is what kills me.  I can’t imagine him saying he met someone to hurt me & keep from him.  I wish I knew the truth behind all of this.

I know it would make me look like I am groveling if I told him how I felt, which one day last week I did tell him I was sorry for anything I may have done to cause him to leave & that I still loved him.  (No reply from him), other than he said one evening he wondered if I ever Loved him.  Which I assured him I did, once again hoping for a reaction & nothing.  That is what I can’t seem to get a grasp on.  It is like if he was wondering if I ever really Loved him why didn’t he ask any questions when I told him I always did & still do.

He was just very short and said he was busy.  I told him I wanted to be friendly with one another and hoped we could feel comfortable to talk if needed and he said yes, but it was clearly not so because shortly after was when I called with an urgent text and he never replied.  That stick in my gut as to how he could not reply after 8 years of being together.

Am I being stupid & should I start purging him out of my system if any way possible and move on.  Part of me hopes as time goes by that he will come around and want to talk.  But I know in my Heart, I would not forgive him for the way he has treated me since he has been gone, especially , if he does have a girlfriend.

Hi Anita,

You do have such words of wisdom…

With your words, what can you recommend for me to start healing.  Even though I have not been in touch with him, it is not easy.  Since he told me he has a girlfriend, of course I do the usual and wonder as to how much fun they are having & how in Love they are remembering the way he was with me in the beginning of our relationship, and then thinking …are they doing the same?

I seem to look at my phone to often to see if he may have left a message & then turn it off only to turn it on again.  I even made the mistake of looking at our cell phone bill to see where he is calling…(Which wouldn’t make a difference, because I wouldn’t call the #’s to find out because I wouldn’t want him to have that pleasure of knowing I cared even though I do…Right now I know I should go out and do some things but I am unable to drive due to a temporary disability.  It is going to be 4 months more, or so until I should drive again.  Let alone go out and try to socialize.  So, I am stuck at home with nothing to do but stress myself out alone.  When were together it was usually just the two of us because he always worked late & also said I was his best friend and he didn’t want to go anywhere without me.  So we did most everything with just one another.  So, now I am paying the price, alone/sick and stressed.

Do you have any suggestions how to stop my mind from thinking about things that hurt, but really don’t matter…

Thank You~

Hi Anita,

You hit the nail on the head!  I don’t have words to describe how it makes me feel.  I can’t understand why he wants to hurt me & make things harder than they are~

I have not asked him to come back, or even try to discuss with him why he left~  I just asked him for the help he offered~

I haven’t contacted him in any way shape, or form since the 1 text 3 days ago…

I will not humiliate myself, or do anything to add to the hurt.  I don’t get it and guess I will never understand my original thought of, “How could he have ever really loved me” and  I don’t want to sound like one of those people that say But He Loved me.  We were together 8 years and everyday he would say he loved me & give me a kiss before he went to work.   But that doesn’t make up for all the time I would spend alone and him never talking about things.

I hate to say it, but I need to just write this off~ It is painful…

Hi Anita,

Yes, I was supporting him~  He did work around the yard & took care of things, but not financially~ I had a home & he had no money~  He had child support and loans for his children he was paying on. And he had also left his ex wife with everything he had and he accumulated most of the credit card debt.

Thank You for your input~