Hi Anita,

Thinking about what my happiest times I can remember was with my family & feeling they cared about us.  I remember going to the zoo one time when I was about 10 & so happy with my Father.  He wasn’t very interactive with us as he was a Drill instructor in the Military and very strict. 3 girls…My Mother was a stay at home mom because we moved so much.  My mother was over-protective as she never would let us do a lot of activities as she was afraid we might get hurt.  My parents were never much on verbally saying “We Love You”…I do remember I wanted that so bad.  I didn’t get along well with my older sister & we have not spoken since my mothers passing.  My older sister was very hateful & was always arguing with my parents, even when my mother was sick she was hateful to her, to the point my mother asked her to stop being so mean.

When I was 13 I ran away from home not feeling I was Loved & it seems since then I have been mostly unhappy.  Happiness is what my Mother told me before she passed is all she ever wanted for me.  I would often tell her how unhappy I was & she would tell me I was the only one that would be able to accomplish that.  She was a Preaches daughter & very quiet.  She would always tell me to pray about it.  I am not religious like she was, but am very spiritual. As  I try to remember details of my life, it is very uncomfortable, as I don’t have a lot of good memories…

Bella

Hi Anita,

Still trying to digest all that you have said.  I know I didn’t ask him to do too much & he always expressed how he felt usually in the same way.  He would get it out, and move on.  I let him be himself.  I have thought about this a lot in the last week & I feel more confused now then before.  How can I stop my mind from going over this in my head because it really makes no difference as to whose fault it was, or who was more at blame.  I just want the hurt to stop and begin to heal.  Every time I feel I am starting to feel just a little better, all of these questions come flowing back in my mind & I get sick on my stomach and fall back into a bad state.

Hi Anita,

If he is relieved by me not texting him, why not just let it go instead of telling me?  I really would like to talk, but I know it is not a good option for me.  I don’t like games and would rather be left alone if he is not concerned about my feelings.  Because he knows I still care.  I feel at this point I need to focus on me getting over this.

Hi Airene,

I do understand he probably detached himself from the relationship a long time before he told me he was actually leaving, so it is easier for him to move on.  It is still very raw with me and still hurts terribly.  I want to move on, but am still able to just take baby steps.  I keep to myself because I don’t care to discuss this with anybody because it accomplishes nothing.  At my age people seem to have more to worry about than other peoples problems.  When I was with my ex, I cut myself off from the outside world and did not work due to a disability.  I feel very alone and at a stand still because I thought he was my best friend and now I don’t even recognize the person he has become.  My life feels so empty, and I feel scared not knowing what my future holds.

Hi Anita,

I have trust issues…Yes,

After my ex & I spoke the other day he said he was going to be open & nice when we spoke.  I found a few things of his he had been looking for and let him know they were found & he could pick them up.  When he called I could hear in his voice the anger and talking to me like I was beneath him.  I told him he could come by anytime  & he said he would call this morning before he came, I feel he is just saying whatever to make things easy on him to get the rest of his things and it is very hurtful.  I had already told him he could have whatever he wanted, just to ask.

I am trying to be positive , move on  and want desperately to be happy &  his demeanor and the way he continues to treat me drives out of my mind.  The trust issue is he knew the bind he was putting me in & still continues to be cruel every time he comes by or we speak…I can deal with knowing it is over, but what is the point in tormenting me.  He did say he loved me and always would, but I know that not to be true as to how could he be so mean if he did.  It hurts to know he would lie just to make things easier for him.  It is like he is no longer the person I use to know~

Bella

Hi Anita,

Can you recommend a book to help with my venture?  I am mostly alone & don’t speak to many people.  I feel I will be better off to work on myself alone.  I am a bit withdrawn and am having big trust issues with people.

Bella